“I can’t believe it. My brother is about to be somebody’s daddy,” Shaylyn remarked.
“I’m honestly shocked it took him so long. Shane’s ass has been a hoe since we were young. I thought he would have had at least four by now,” I joked.
“You ain’t lying. I thought for sure he was gonna have a set of ghetto twins with the way he had those girls popping up at the house looking for him.” Shaylyn giggled, but when I looked at her, I noticed her smile barely reached her eyes. Sadness radiated from her, and it made me feel terrible. When I left Trina’s house, I never looked back. If I was honest with myself, I purposely avoided my family because I wanted to cut all ties with that side of my past.
Once I decided to keep my baby, I knew it would come with a lot of judgment and backlash that I didn’t want to deal with. My solution was to create distance between myself and everything that reminded me of my pain, Shaylyn included.
“I feel so guilty, Cousin. I haven’t been here for you the way we always promised.”
“You don’t need to feel guilty. If anyone understands what you’ve been through, I do. At the end of the day, you did what was best for you, and look at you now. You’re the it girl you were always destined to be. You have a man who loves you and a beautiful daughter. Regardless of everything you went through, you kept pushing and made something of yourself. There is no reason for you to apologize. I’m proud of you, Lyric. I really am.”
My lip quivered as I tried to gather my emotions. I felt this heaviness lingering in the air, and it made me uneasy.
“Essex told me I needed to go to therapy. When he first brought it up, I instantly got offended because I thought he was trying to tell me I was broken or fucked up. Then I realized that I was fucked up. The shit we went through wasn’t something that should have been swept under the rug, but that was exactly what I did. I’ve spent all of these years trying to pretend I lived a normal childhood, but the truth is, I’m messed up.
“He tries so hard to love me, but the shit scares me sometimes. Outside of Keynauri, I don’t know what it feels like for a man to love me without any ulterior motives. Essex has done nothing but give me and my daughter the world, and I was so afraid of getting my heart broken, I pushed him away the moment things got rocky. In the back of my mind, I felt as if he was too good for me, and I was waiting for the day he realized it and walked away.” I hadn’t admitted that out loud, but for some reason, I couldn’t hold it in. If anyone understood, it was Shaylyn. Therapy had helped me uncover some things I hadn’t even realized were holding me back.
“My momma spent my whole life telling me I was worthless, and I would never be more than a cum rag for a man to finish on. I guess I must have manifested that shit because I became exactly what she said I would. You’re different though. You always have been, Lyric. I know what it’s like to become crippled by trauma, and it’s exhausting. It’s rare to find a man who is willing to heal a heart he didn’t break, but East is a solid dude.
“I can’t really speak on therapy, because I refuse to pour my heart out to a stranger, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. The last thing you want to do is push away the people who genuinely love you and want to be in your life. I’ve done it my whole life, and now I’m lonely and broken beyond repair. It might be hypocritical of me to say, but I’m glad you are seeking help.There is still a chance for you to get your happily ever after, and you should do everything you can to make sure you’re the best version of yourself. Not only for you, but for your family too.”
“Thank you. Who knows? Maybe we could do a couple of sessions together. Our relationship is important to me as well, and I want us both to have our happy endings. It’s not too late.”
Shaylyn gave me a half smile before getting up to pour herself another drink. When she came back into the living room, she changed the subject, and I gladly followed suit.
Shaylyn asked me to help her take her braids out, so we sat up the rest of the night, watching movies and cracking jokes while we tag-teamed her hair. Shane sent us a message around 2 a.m. with a picture of his little girl. She was the spitting image of Shaylyn, which made us giggle. Shaylyn would always joke that his children would come out looking like her because they got on each other’s nerves so badly.
My phone vibrated, and I saw it was a message from East. He hadn’t been speaking to me much since our last fight, so I was shocked he even reached out. We were fighting over something petty, and honestly, being over here made me miss him and want to lay up under his mean ass.
Essex: You turned your location off. That shit is childish.
Me: You barely looked in my direction in the last three days. I didn’t think you would care.
Essex: My love for you doesn’t turn on and off just because I ain’t fuckin’ with you.
Essex: Where you at?
Me: I’m at Shaylyn’s house.
Essex: Oh, word? How long you plan on being over there?
Me: I think I’m gonna spend the night. My gut is telling me she needs me right now.
Essex: Alright. Don’t make a habit of spending the night away from home. This yo’ house as much as it’s mine.
Me: Okay.
I got ready to put my phone down when it vibrated again. Butterflies filled my stomach as I looked at the message.
Essex: I love you, Lola B. I might not always agree with the shit you do, but I’m not going anywhere. Get some rest.
His words comforted me, and I quickly told him I loved him too before putting my phone down.
“You must have made up with your man. I can hear your heart galloping from down here,” Shaylyn teased.
“Is it that obvious?” I blushed, dropping my head in embarrassment.
“Hell yes. You can’t even control the smile on your face.” She giggled, hitting me with a pillow.
