“I’ma kill this nigga,” Shane declared as he paced the room.
“I told you, it’s not worth it. Ain’t shit I can do to change it, and I don’t want you risking your freedom. Craig loves to call twelve when he’s afraid,” Shaylyn urged.
“You think I give a fuck about his pussy ass calling the police on me? He fucked your life up and doesn’t even have the balls to take accountability. I bet he already knew about his diagnosis and just didn’t say anything.” Shane’s tone grew more and more aggressive as time went on, and it would only be a matter of time before he exploded.
“Yeah, that was another thing I found out. His wife found out he had been taking HIV medicine, but he peeled all of the labels off. Apparently, he’s had it for years.”
I cuffed my mouth as I gasped in disbelief. What kind of selfish person would intentionally put people’s health at risk and not disclose their status?
“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? Yo, Shay, I’m really about to fuck him up. Why the hell are you just now telling us if you found out weeks ago? This shit is crazy,” Shane ranted.
“I needed time to process everything. Honestly, I thought about not saying anything at all. It’s not like there’s anything y’all could do.” Shay shrugged her shoulders, and her aura became cold.
“That’s not the point, Shay. I’ve been here since you took your first breath. I don’t give a fuck whether or not I can fix it or not. I want to know what’s going on with you. I’m your brother, baby girl. Grown or not, your business will always be my business.”
I dabbed the tears falling as I processed everything. A part of me felt an immense amount of guilt for not checking with her for so long. Essex would often ask me about her, but I would brush him off, telling him that we kept in touch online. Neither of us had a lot of family, so he constantly stressed the importance of maintaining those relationships.
“Please stop crying, y’all. I don’t want you to have pity for me or feel guilty about anything,” she stressed, which only fueled my tears.
“I can’t help it. I wanted to reach out for so long, but I thought you were mad at me after what happened the last time we were all together. We promised each other we would always keep our bond tight, but I dropped the ball.” I wailed.
Shaylyn scooted closer, wrapping her arms around me while I sobbed uncontrollably. She allowed me to cry in her arms, even though the moment should have been about her. I finallygathered my emotions and lifted from her embrace, but she held onto my hand, then patted the seat on the other side of her for Shane to sit. Reluctantly, he took a seat next to her, but his leg shook incessantly.
“I called the two of you over here because I wanted to clear the air. I’ve been trying to fight by myself for so many years, and I’m tired, y’all. I needed to be surrounded by the people I know love me and have a normal night where I don’t spend it obsessing about how fucked up my life has been. Shane, please don’t go out and do something stupid. It won’t change anything,” she pleaded.
Shane and Shay had a stare-off for a moment until Shane’s shoulders dropped in defeat. His jaw flexed as tears streamed down his face. Shane was aggressive but rarely showed his emotions. I never doubted his love for his sister, but in that moment, it was evident in his demeanor. His heart was shattered at the idea that he couldn’t fix what was wrong with her. A brother’s love was truly unmatched.
“I’m so sorry, Shay. I’m fucked up right now, and I don’t know what to do. It’s bad enough Mommy didn’t protect us as kids, but I never imagined shit would turn out this way.”
Shay squeezed his hand for reassurance, wiping her own tears away.
“I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out why our lives were so hard, but I still don’t have any answers. I used to tell myself that one day, I would look back on all of my trauma and finally understand, but I don’t. Honestly, I was shocked I hadn’t contracted it sooner.” Shay paused, taking a deep breath.
“By the time I turned fifteen, I had been treated for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and multiple infections from the abortions I was forced to have. Momma thought leaving condoms around would make her nasty-ass boyfriends strap up when they fucked me, but they never did. Some nights, they would fuck me and thengo upstairs and fuck her after, then she would catch an attitude when we both ended up burning.” She scoffed.
“You would think a mother’s instinct would be to protect her child. Not Trina. She saw me as her competition—the other woman who kept taking her men away. I think that’s why I was so numb when Nate came around. I was tired of being the victim while she turned a blind eye. I figured I might as well get whatever I could out of the deal since he was gonna get what he wanted anyway.”
My breathing faltered at the mention of Nathan. I tried my best to put him in the back of my mind, but lately, the nightmares had returned with a vengeance. East had been on the road with my brother, which left me to sleep in the room alone whenever Noodle was gone. He kept asking if I was okay, but I lied because I didn’t want him to worry. There was no doubt in my mind that he would understand and be there in any way he could. I was just tired of him always having to come to my rescue.
“I still owe that fuck nigga another ass whupping. Can’t believe he pressed charges on me as if he wasn’t the one who violated my family.” Shane huffed. I heard about him beating Nathan’s ass some years back after our little blow-up. The family was gossiping about how Trina refused to bail him out, and instead, she took Nathan’s side. Her ass didn’t deserve to carry the title of mother. She and my momma were the worst of the worst.
“I’m sorry, Lyric. I didn’t even think about how you would feel about me bringing him up,” Shaylyn apologized.
“It’s all good. I try my best not to think about that sorry-ass man. I thank God daily that my daughter doesn’t look anything like him. I would have loved her regardless, but I’m still thankful.”
On the outside, Nathan was a handsome, middle-aged man. It was his soul that was ugly, distorted, and corrupt. All of hischildren were attractive, so I never worried about Symphonee’s looks, but there was a part of me that wondered what it would feel like to see his face in her.
“I see how you are with Symphonee, and it makes me wonder what kind of mother I would have been. Honestly, my biggest fear was becoming bitter and resentful like my momma. I don’t have a maternal bone in my body thanks to her, and I never wanted a child to suffer because of my past.”
“Motherhood changes you. I used to wonder if I had the capability to love the way a mother should, but the moment I laid eyes on Noodle, I knew there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Even through my depression, I pushed through because she deserved better. We’re still young, and medicine is far more advanced than it was back in the day. You can still live a normal and happy life with HIV, and that includes having a family. Don’t count yourself out, Cousin. This isn’t a death sentence,” I assured her. Although I had no experience in this area, I needed her to know that she wasn’t alone and that her life wasn’t over.
“Thank you, Cousin. Y’all just don’t understand how tired I am. I’ve been fighting my whole life, and I’m so tired.” Tears filled her eyes, and it triggered tears of my own. I remembered feeling hopeless when I lived with Aunt Trina. The night Essex rescued me, it felt like I could finally breathe.
My arms wrapped around her body as I rested my head on her shoulder. Shaylyn was there for me when I didn’t have anyone, and even though we hadn’t been as close over the years, it didn’t mean the love had changed. Shane ended up joining us as we continued to talk and reminisce about our childhood and current happenings in our lives.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Shane answered his phone while we were talking. “Oh, shit! Right now? Naw, I’m at my sister’s place. Do you think you can wait for me to get there, or should I callthe ambulance?” He jumped up and searched his pockets until he found his keys.
“Okay, I’m on my way. I’ll call your momma and nem to meet us at the hospital.” He pulled the phone back to address us. “My girl just went into labor. I’ll call y’all as soon as baby girl makes her arrival. I love y’all.” Shane kissed both of us on the forehead, then returned to his call while walking out the door.
