Pandora’s words echo in my mind, and the arousal that was building chokes up.
I break the kiss with a gasp. “Shit.”
Asch blinks at me, his breathing coming quickly as he stares at me. “Shit,” he agrees. But he licks his lips, and I can see him watching my mouth like he’s considering kissing me again.
I sit back to look up at the sky. “It’s not you,” I say quickly. “I mean, it is you, kind of, but mostly it’s Pandora.”
Because when she’d said she was giving us permission, I could hear the hesitation.
She doesn’t have the right to be jealous. She’s the one who’s fucking around with three men! But guilt roils in my stomach, alongside the anger.
“I want to,” I add. “I probably have for a while. But not if it hurts Pandora.”
I try to imagine my life without Pandora in it. Without her brand of crazy to disrupt everything and force me to confront things I’ve never wanted to confront, without her wild schemes and dumb jokes and her manic,beautifullaughter.
Without Pandora, I never would have kissed Asch at all.
Asch exhales slowly, but he nods. “Yeah. I don’t want to hurt her either. I don’t…” He purses his lips. “I don’t understand what I feel for her, but I know that much.” He shakes his head. “How long do you think it’ll last?”
How long do I expect to stay with Pandora?
I’ve never been with a woman for more than one or two fucks. I’d have grown bored of Pandora too, except she wasn’t what I expected, and she understood how important Asch was, and she probably wouldn’t have let me go even if I’d wanted it.
I don’t want it. I haven’t wanted her to let go since the day she’d decided to join the ‘wild hunt’ frat hazing.
Or maybe I was already hooked the moment she cut Asch’s arm.
I squeeze Asch’s shoulder. “Forever. She goes on and on about how we’re perfect, how we aren’t allowed to leave her, but it’s true forher too. I’m not letting her dump us, ever. She doesn’t get to fuck other men, not after how deep she hooked her claws in us.”
Asch nods in agreement. “So the question is… what the fuck are we going to do? We have to keep her, no matter what, but we also have to deal with the frat and Ezio and your dad.” He looks down at the river, bumping his shoulder against mine. “You’re the mastermind here.”
“We figure out how to cut Ezio off from everybody.” I grin nastily. “He’s strong now because he’s got my dad’s support, and the frat. But his name isnothing. The Romanos are dead. Let’s snuff out the last remaining one of them.”
As for my dad…
I don’t want to kill him.
Despite everything, I don’t want to watch him die. I don’t want my mom to grieve him.
But if that’s what it takes to get him to back off from Pandora, I’ll do it.
“So we get the frat back on our side, and we figure out how to manipulate your dad. Easy.” He laughs. “God, Blaze, this is such a mess. All right. Let’s do this.”
Asch’s smile isn’t quite as feral as mine, but there’s something anticipatory in it that reminds me that he’s always had some potential with the Bouchard Syndicate.
Even if I do want to keep him safe.
Even if I don’t want him part of this life.
But I know—I’ve always known—that Asch is strong enough for this.
He has to be strong, if he’s going to be with Pandora.
13
RIVER
For all that I don’t want to be at Pandora’s place for Christmas, I’d want to be at my own home even less.
