I rubbed my hands together as I tried to find a version of the truth that wouldn’t crush her. I’d been rehearsing it the whole ride over and still didn’t have shit.
“I have to go away for a while,” I said.
Nana pursed her lips. “A while,” she repeated. “You going to prison?”
Not quite.
I swallowed. My tongue felt thick in my mouth. “It’s work.”
“Work, huh?”
I forced a half shrug, like my stomach wasn’t doing backflips. “I’ll be out of the state for a little bit.”
Nana leaned back in the chair and studied me the way she used to when I’d come home with too much money for a teenager to have.
“Come here,” she said.
I hesitated.
“Carmelo.” Her voice was sharper now. “Don’t make me get up.”
I sighed heavily and crossed the room, standing in front of her. She reached up and took my hand, rubbing her thumb across my palm like she was checking for something.
“How long?” she asked.
“Not sure yet.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.” The lie came out too fast.
Nana narrowed her eyes. “Boy…”
My shoulders sagged, gaze dropping to the carpet. “I just gotta lay low for a minute, Nana.”
“After all these years,” she said, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. “All these years of me praying over you, begging you to leave this mess alone…”
I didn’t even bother explaining. She didn’t need a breakdown of how I fucked everything up. “Nana, Cash and ‘em gonna check in on you, I’m not sure how often I can call you. But they got you.”
“Lord, son.” She pulled me down until I was face level with her. “You know I been worrying about yousince the day your parents died. Then you got roped in with Ricardo and his boys. I’ve just accepted that worrying is part of the package when it comes to you.”
My throat burned. I didn’t trust myself to say anything without falling apart at her feet.
“I just need to know if you’re coming back to me,” she said, quietly.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m coming back.”
She held my gaze for a long moment, like she was deciding whether to accept it or not.
“I don’t like this,” she whispered. “But all I can do is pray like I always do.”
She kissed my forehead. “May God always cover you, my baby. And may whatever foolishness you’re caught up in pass and bring you back to me in one piece.”
My eyes burned.
Nana released my hands, and cleared her throat, like she wasn’t trying to get emotional too. “Now—since you wanna show up and ruin my evening—help me with my coat.”
I stood, grateful for the change in topic, and went to grab it from the closet.
