Suddenly she couldn't contain the overwhelming sense of loss consuming her, and her eyes flooded with tears. She looked away from him in order to hide the reaction. She murmured, "Though your voice is low and your words are calmly spoken, I still know you are scolding me. You are, aren't you?" Her voice, soft though it was, shook.
"It would seem so, yet it is not in my heart to offend you. Rather, I tell you what I do because you must learn to speak the truth if you are to be amongst my people. It is important."
"I never lied to my mother."
"Not directly did you lie, but it is a lie nonetheless. You intended to do this with me and you did not tell her about it, and, by not telling her, you gained her approval to come here unknowing of what you really wished to do. Had you told her it all, perhaps there might have been a different way to make the difficulty go away."
She sobbed. "I…I am sorry. I did speak to her about most of what I've told you. She knows I love you. It's only this last part she doesn't know. And, so now you must really hate me, don't you?"
"I do not hate you. The opposite is true. Now knowing you wish me to make love to you as many times as we can, over and over, and without the honor and responsibility of marriage, it might be all I can think about whenever I am with you. Do you understand? Your words now cause me to wish to kiss you and make love with you all night, if we were to have the energy to do it the night through."
"Well, that's good, isn't it? Doesn't it mean you might love me a little?"
He inhaled deeply, letting his breath out in a sigh. "It is not good, as you say. I am trying to become a medicine man, and I cannot make love to a woman without also making her my wife. To do so might cause me to not only lose my power to help my people, but it would be as though to take a large step toward the darker side of the Great Mystery.Saa, I cannot do what you ask of me unless you come to me and agree to be my woman."
"But, I can't."
"I know. It is a problem for me because we have been friends a long time, and now knowing what you wish from me—"
"I don't understand. Isn't itmyproblem, only?"
"Saa. It is not yours alone. We are friends. I bear the responsibility for your being here, and while you remain in my camp, I must guard you so you are safe from harm."
"But—"
He held up his hand. "I have not finished. Because of my duty toward you, I will have to be near you. Now knowing what you have asked of me, how can I be close to you without thinking of making love to you?"
"I—"
Again he held up a hand as he continued, "I will answer this question. It would be impossible. And, over time, I might think of loving you constantly, and my problem might become worse instead of better. So, I say this to you now: become my woman, and I will do as you suggest."
"You are again asking me to marry you?"
He shrugged.
"Oh, how I wish you had asked me this five years ago. I would have said 'yes' at once, and we would even now be living as man and wife."
"We were both too young then, and I did not think of you in the way of romance then. Indeed, all those years ago, I thought you to be too bold to have ever been interested in you as a wife."
"Bold?"
"You are still this way, I fear."
"So, why are you asking me now if you think I am too…too…?"
"Familiar?"
"I am not either 'familiar.'"
He laughed.
"Oh, all right. Perhaps I am too forward with you. However, if you think this of me, why are you asking me to marry you?"
"Because," he replied, "whatever you are, I am close to you, and I cannot do as you ask me to do without first making you my wife. Also, I find I now have a physical problem when I am with you. I did not have this problem five years ago."
"A physical problem?"
"Áa."
