Gray Falcon didn't say a word, nor did he move. He sat as though he were as solid as a log, although his grip on her hand tightened.
Meanwhile, she continued and said, "He is much older than I am. His body and his breath stink terribly, and I do not like him. Not at all. There is something about him besides being stinky that…I can't explain it…something about him—besides the harm he has brought to our family—that makes me shiver in revulsion. I have hesitated for two years, while Mr. Calhoun has waited. During those years, my desire to not marry him has remained firm. Luckily, I had a good reason to wait because I was underage. But, I am now of marriageable age, and I can no longer conceive of enough excuses to prolong my unwillingness to enter into a marriage contract with him, although my father insists I do this.
"Yes, I could run away, but what would happen to my parents were I to leave? When my sister ran away with Mr. Eagle Heart, my father was still a wealthy man, with a future that promised more wealth. Neither my sister nor her new husband wrecked my father's outlook on life. I don't know what did.
"But, this I do know. Because of his alcohol habit, my father is not the same man he once was. Even if I were to marry this Mr. Calhoun and my father were then to keep hold of his wealth, he might likely lose it again in some other way. And then, worse, I would have not only given myself in marriage to this man whom I cannot easily tolerate, I would be trapped and unable to help my father to avoid a similar problem in the future. Do you understand? If I don't marry this man, my parents will be destroyed. But, if I do, I will not be able to help my father recover from his alcohol habit or whatever else ails him. Their situation could become worse." She gasped, then said on a sob, "Honestly, I have not known what to do. I suppose I will have to marry him eventually, but I couldn't even consider it without at least coming here first so I might try to convince you to have a last fling with me."
He hesitated a few moments, then asked, "What is a 'last fling'?"
She sighed. "I…I… I will tell you, but first you must promise me again not to think too ill of me."
"I have already said this to you. I will keep my honor toward you."
She inhaled deeply and looked away from him while he remained silent, his gaze toward the ground. At last, she began, "It is an affair. We would be like married folk without actually being married. Mr. Falcon, may I please speak about this frankly without holding anything else back from you?"
He nodded.
"I…I am asking you to please make love to me, perhaps as many times as we dare, so that if I do have to marry this man, I will forever remember you and your lovemaking. I fear it will be the only pleasure I might ever have in my future life. And, so I wish to make some happy memories with you." Her voice caught on a deep sob. After a moment, she gathered her courage around her as though it were a cloak and continued, "There. I've said it. Please forgive me. And, now that you know the worst about me, do you hate me?"
He didn't answer at once. And, when he finally did speak, he asked, "Hate you? I do not hate you. But, it does cause me look at you in a way I should not, because if this is truly what you wish, the way in which I now view you is not good for you."
"Yes. Of course. You and all your people would have no option, promise or not, to think of me as being a loose woman, wouldn't you?"
"My people might likely think this about you, it is true, but I do not and never would. However, after what you have told me, the physical problems I experience around you are, even now, becoming greatly worse for me. Indeed, I gaze upon you at this moment much as a grizzly might look upon a tender morsel of flesh after he has awakened in the early spring."
"I…I don't understand. A grizzly? In spring?"
"It causes me to wish to devour you. Do you understand now?"
"I…I…am not sure. Are you saying you wish to kill me?"
The look he gave her should have silenced her, but it didn't, and she asked, "Why would you wish to kill me?"
"I am not talking about killing, I am speaking about making love to you. Your words make me desire to throw you to the ground right here, right now, on this very ledge, and make love to you all night. This is what I mean."
"Oh."
"These are not the kinds of ideas you should be speaking to me, making me desire to take you to my sleeping robes, and without honoring you with marriage. Do you not understand I am a man with manly desires and, medicine man or not, what you ask of me fills me with lust for you?"
"I…I—"
"And, when you tell me you want me to make love to you over and over, many times, without the duty of marrying you… Of course, I wish to devour you much like the grizzly might like to gorge himself on the flesh of an animal."
She sniffled. "Isn't this good? Doesn't it mean you might enjoy making love with me, then?"
"Of course I would enjoy making love to you. But, no, it isnotgood."
"Why not?"
"Because I am seeking to be a medicine man who can bring the healing power of the Creator to my people. Do you understand now?"
"No. Maybe. Actually, no, I don't think I understand at all."
He didn't enlighten her right away. Instead, he asked, "Surely, your mother, had she known about this, would not have approved of your coming here for this reason."
"She doesn't know this part of it."
"I know because you have told me. But, you are missing the meaning behind what I say and why I am saying it. Youshouldhave told her."
