Chapter Sixteen
Jonah
The drive to Colorado Springs isn’t long, but Vivian is back to ignoring me, and it feels like we’ve lost any progress we’d gained.
Not that I blame him. I meant to tell him about Carolynda’s visit to the doctor, but I’d gotten distracted. After that, it never felt like the right time.
When I’m not obsessing about letting Vivian down, I’m picturing seven-year-old Vivian with his big eyes and unruly dark hair—I’ve seen pictures—getting his heart crushed by his asshole of a father. I’ve only met his dad once, by accident. And it wasn’t in person, thank God. Carolynda’s phone was ringing, and I’d answered it, thinking it was Vivian.
His father’s voice had been sharp. Unyielding.
“Who are you?”
“I’m…Jonah.”
“Your name tells me nothing.”
Carolynda grabbed the phone from my hand. “Renato? Jonah’s my stepson.”
At the time, I thought it explained everything. Vivian’s attitude. His disdain for me. He was just like his father.
But now, I know differently. How many times had I wished Vivian hadn’t moved in with us? Now, the thought of him there with that monster—I choke back my anger. Vivian doesn’t need my protection. He’s an adult now. He can take care of himself.
I catch Dad watching me. Right. Disappointing parents seems to be a theme this trip. If Dad reacted this strongly to me liking dolphins over horses…Jesus. How am I going to tell him I don’t want to take over the farm?
Dad stares at the road. His back is ramrod straight. Carolynda stares out the window. And behind me, Vivian is burrowed in his hoodie, listening to his music. It’s so loud that I can hear it.
The van is tense with unspoken words. Everyone is keeping secrets. What a wonderful family vacation.
It’s almost a relief when we arrive at Colorado Springs. Until I remember why we’re here. I’d rather climb Pike’s Peak barefoot than go to a Pride parade. Which sounds weird. And this isn’t even a full-on Pride event like Pridefest in San Diego. This is just one of many celebrations they’ve planned for the month. It’s a good way to ease into it. Only right now, with everyone so tense, I feel raw.
I’m not ready for this.
Vivian will fit right in. Unlike me. I know there’s no right way to be gay, but I still get self-conscious. Like people can tell I don’t know what I’m doing. That this is my first Pride event ever.
And Pride isn’t the only gay thing I have yet to experience.
But I won’t be sharing that information with Vivian.
As soon as the van stops, I jump out, needing to be free from the lingering tension. Vivian shoots me a look, and I know he’s not letting go of this anytime soon.
The parade is everywhere. Did they close off all of downtown?
Carolynda catches Maisy before she can run off. “Wait a minute.”
“Look, Mommy, a princess!” She points to a drag queen high in the air, towering over us. Her gown hides the stilts—or however she’s attaining her height. Maybe she has four-foot heels. With her long red hair and sparkly gown, she does look like a princess.
The floats seem to go on forever. There’s everything from clowns to mostly naked people to cannons shooting T-shirts into the crowd.
The people in the crowd are just as colorful. But there are also plenty of people in everyday clothes. Clothes that are closer to what I’m wearing. Two men in front of us share a quick kiss. One has a child of three or four on his shoulders. The atmosphere is open and friendly.
My shoulders relax. It’s going to be fine. I might even enjoy it.
Vivian places his hand on Carolynda’s arm. “Are you okay?”
She smiles. “I’m fine.”
He nods and darts a look at me. “If you’re good, Jonah and I are going to explore.”
