“What the f-udge? Vivian, I’m?—”
I shake my head almost violently. I’m using all my energy to push against the memory. To not get lost in the disappointment. The anger. The feeling that I would never be good enough. I can’t handle Jonah being sweet right now. I swallow the emotion clogging my throat.
“Let’s keep going,” George says, squeezing Mom’s hand.
She looks like she’s about to cry, but she nods. “I guess it’s my turn.” Her laugh sounds nervous as she pulls a slip of paper from the cup. “What’s your favorite…flower?” There’s a quiver in her voice. She opens her mouth and then shuts it again.
And then Mom begins to cry.
“What’s going on?” Jonah whispers, and I shake my head. Is she still upset about Dad and me?
She shares a look with George, and then Jonah bows his head as if he knows something.
“What’s going on?” I ask, darting a glance at Mom and then Jonah.
“It’s fine. Everything’s fine,” George says, his eyes on the road. “Your mom is just a little emotional.”
Jonah shifts so he’s sitting sideways, facing Maisy. His hand drops behind the seat. Which seems a little weird, but whatever. Mom is my main concern right now.
Everyone clearly wants me to let it go. But the morning before Maisy’s party is still fresh in my memory. My mother has never been overly emotional. “Mom?”
“I’m fine, sweetie.”
I grip the back of Jonah and Maisy’s seat. “What?—”
Jonah grabs my forearm, and it’s such a shock that I stare at him. His voice is low. “Let it go, Vivian.”
I jerk my arm away, but then I grab his hand and squeeze. Not in a we’re-in-this-together way. More like-a-what-the-fuck way.
We’re staring at each other. A battle of wills. “Just for now,” he says.
His words are like a slap to the face as I realize that Jonah not only knows something, but he’s been keeping it from me.
I pull my hand away. “Whatever.”
The games end, and everyone but Maisy falls silent. She hums to her dragon princess.
I put in my earbuds and listen to rage music while glaring at Jonah.
His eyes plead with me to understand. “I promise I’ll explain later.”
I point to my ears and shake my head. “Sorry. Can’t hear you.”
