“Addison Riley Malloy, slow down before you trip and fall!” Sienna tosses over her shoulder to her.
“Kay!!” she yells back, not slowing down at all.
“She's just a little excited,” Seth deadpans.
“Getting first chair is a big deal,” my mom says with a huge grin.
“We’ll be hearing violin playing in our sleep,” Sienna sighs as she turns back to us, but her pride is unmistakable. The sounds of Addy practicing start to drift down as she says it.
“Where's Mason?” I ask. Mason is my 7 year old nephew and also the cutest, sweetest kid I have ever met. Again, I'm really not biased or anything.
“He went next door to play a little with Josh before dinner, I have to go get him pretty soon,” Sienna replies.
I shake my head at myself. “I almost forgot it's barely after 5 there.”
Seth chuckles while Sienna says, “Stupid time zones,” with a laugh.
Seth leans in and looks at us more closely. “Are you two ok? You look like you've been crying.”
He always shuts down when talking about dad, or anything really emotional. I'm not going to sugarcoat or tiptoe around our emotional baggage anymore after today, though. “Mom and I were just talking about Dad, wondering what he would think of our lives now. It got a little emotional.”
Seth's face falls completely. Sienna takes his hand and looks at us with sympathy. She found out she was pregnant just a couple of months after he passed, and I think both of them are still heartbroken that he never got to meet his grandchildren. The timing never fails to make me think about the cycle of things, though. He was taken away, but then we got Addy.
Seth clears his throat. “I’m sure he's looking over all of us and proud. We've done the best we can since he passed.” His face is completely shuttered now, though.
“I agree, big brother. You've made a beautiful family and life. Mom and I were talking about her wanting to start to get out of the house more. Return to the world of the living, as she called it. I think I'm going to try and go back to school.”
“That's so fantastic,” Sienna says sincerely.
“Mom, are you saying you want to date again?” Seth asks sharply.
“Mind your tone about that, son, if I want to I damn well will. No though, I don't want to mess with all of that drama.”
Sienna swats at him and Seth sighs, chagrined. “Ofcourse you should if you want to, it's just a clusterfuck out there and I don't want anyone potentially hurting you.”
“I survived raising you two boys, becoming a widow, and having a stroke. I can handle myself, but I appreciate your concern.”
“Well, I think it's great that you both are having these discussions and looking to shake things up,” Sienna says proudly. My brother could not have fallen for a better person. I was only 14 when she and Seth started dating, and she quickly became the sister I never had. She kept Seth together when our dad passed. They had to go through their grief while navigating first time pregnancy and parenthood. I can't even imagine it.
My brother is amazing, but I wish he had been able to be around here more during that time, especially for our mom. There is definitely some resentment that I was the one here picking up the pieces, even though I understand he has his family and work across the country. He stayed for a week for the viewing, funeral, and to help with what he could, but then it was back to once a year or so visits and lots of video chats. It was pretty lonely. Today has been a good starting point, but the four of us adults in this family still have a lot to work through.
“Taran?” Seth says, pulling me from my thoughts. It's clear he's said my name more than once.
“Sorry, got lost in my thoughts for a minute there. What did you say, Seth?”
“I asked what you wanted to go back to school to study? Do you still want to study architecture?” He asks it hesitantly, because he knows the weight of it.
“I’m not sure if that's still the dream, there’s a lot to think about and figure out,” I tell him honestly, fighting back a lump inmy throat. “You'd be great at it, you were always amazing at imagining buildings and doing line drawings of them,” he tells me encouragingly.
“Thanks, big brother. We'll see what happens.”
“Ok, Seth, it is dangerously quiet upstairs now. Can you please go check on your daughter while I go get Mason?” Sienna asks, redirecting from this vulnerable line of questioning.
“Alright, we better go. Love you both,” Seth tells us.
“Love you guys, talk soon!” Sienna says. I end the call and look at my mom. She raises her eyebrow at me in question.
“Telling him we were talking about Dad and making new plans went pretty well. He didn't completely shut down.”
