"Trust me," he whispers. "This will take you all the way to the universe."
To the universe? To the stars? To where I can fly?
"And much farther." He raises his eyebrows, smirking.
Yes, that's what I want.
Now. Here. Today. For this one moment, I want it so badly.
I part my lips, allowing Levi to place a pill in my mouth, and I swallow it down with vodka.
He follows suit. And just a few minutes later, we actually take off.
"Oh yes," Levi murmurs to me in the here and now, as if he knows exactly which memory my thoughts are stuck on.
"No," I reply, albeit much too weakly, and let myself fall against the door of our holiday home.
As if he hasn't heard me, he holds the line under my nose. "Fly away, the stars have been waiting for you for far too long."
I shake my head. "I don't want those stars anymore." No matter how seductively they shine, that's in the past. "Go now," I ask him because I can feel that I won't be able to hold on much longer.
"Don't be so pretentious." All of a sudden, Levi fumbles his syringe out of his pocket and picks up the meth with a spoon. "You'll thank me for it, just wait and see." With these words, he wedges me in with his legs and pushes up the sleeve of my sweater with his free hand.
At that moment, the door behind me is thrown open. Warmth and the scent of cookies envelop me, and yellowish light illuminates Levi's face.
"What's going on here?" Kjell asks, clearly concerned. His gaze flickers between Levi and the scarred injection marks on my left arm. "Sky, what..."
I snatch my arm away from Levi's grip. "Get lost!" I shout. "I never want to see you or your shit ever again."
My ex hesitates, looking back and forth between Kjell and me.
"Haven't you heard what she said?" Kjell asks with a sharp tone.
He doesn't need to protect me, but it still feels good that he's standing by my side. Thanks to him, I know for certain that I won't take those drugs. I will never do that again.
It takes an eternity for Levi to noisily pull the meth from the spoon into his nose. Moaning with pleasure, he closes his eyes for a moment.
"Alright," he says, taking a step back. "Let me know when you've had enough of this bourgeois life." His expression seems to imply that it can't last too long. "You know where to find me."
Without waiting for my reaction, he turns and disappears into the darkness. I stare after him, looking into the darkness of the night and struggling to breathe.
Kjell's arms encircle me from behind. It's as if they're breaking a dam inside me.
It's over. I did it.
I slump down, and he holds me tight.
Tears flow down my cheeks like torrents. He wipes them away with his fingers. A pervasive coldness makes me shiver. He warms me up.
"Come," he says softly at some point, leading me inside the house. He helps me out of my jacket, directs me to the living room, hurries around me, and disappears for a moment.
The Christmas background music gets louder.
His face appears before mine, more concerned than I've ever seen him.
He takes my arms and positions them on his shoulders. Then he pulls me closer and embraces me, his palms gently resting on my spine.
He shifts his weight alternately to his left and right foot. I follow along, swaying back and forth, always in time with the music.
His hands roam over my back, caressing me gently until calmness settles within me, and I rest my head on his chest.
Pa Pong. Pa Pong. Pa Pong. I hear his heart soothingly whisper, and suddenly, it seems so wrong to keep him at arm's length. For weeks now, I've wanted to tell him everything about myself. Show him who I really am.
He's been there for me every day since this madness broke out. Nothing has gotten worse through him.
On the contrary. He makes everything better.
What if I take the last step now? What if I show him my deepest wound? Because perhaps he's the one who can heal it.
Inspired by this thought, I lift my head from his chest and open my eyes. "I want to tell you something."
