"Are you crazy? What world do you live in?" I gaze at his face in disbelief. I have no idea how I ever saw anything in him.
How I could be so hopelessly in love with him that I simply forgot everything that was important to me.
He licks his lips. "Tell me, does the guy in there actually take the role of the decent little daughter from you? That's not you."
I shake my head with crossed arms. I don't want this, but gradually, the memory I'd rather erase from my mind comes back. "Stop it."
"Thishere." Unperturbed, he takes a small bag from the breast pocket of his jacket. "Thisis you."
With a hitched breath, I watch as he opens it.
"When was the last time you flew?" he asks. "Just let go of all this shit, huh?"
Oh man, if he only knew how often I long for that feeling. For freedom. For the rush where I feel like a warrior.
Strong. Unyielding. Superior.
No one can touch me. Not Kahlo. Not the worries about Father. No accident or press.
"I heard that from your old man," he says, letting some of the meth trickle onto his palm. "It's messed up, isn't it?"
My whole body trembles, and I can't do anything to stop it. It shouldn't be this easy. But just seeing that line shimmering on his skin in the light of the entrance is enough. Even if I didn't have to worry about my father's life and even if everything went according to plan withTouch av lyx, my past would still catch up with me now.
"That bad?" Levi whispers, his voice now hoarse, dragging me back to a time I had long left behind.
That bad?echoes within me.
"That bad?" the twenty-year-old Levi in my memory now asks me, gently stroking my back.
I'm eighteen again.
My parents think I'm in my room. My father fervently hopes I'll finally find that mistake in the balance sheet that he claims is so obvious that even a blind person could see it. And my mother is tending to whatever interests her—certainly not me.
"Worse," I murmur into his T-shirt, which smells so wonderfully of him that I never want to leave this place again. We've only known each other for three weeks, and although that's not long, his arms feel like home.
He takes my hand. "Come on. Let's forget about the world now."
I gladly walk with him to his regular club,Polarnatt. There, I'm greeted by the gang. Everyone is in high spirits, all of them smiling at me. They're happy that I'm there, and I feel like I can let go. They don't expect anything more from me than to have a good time together.
We order bottles of vodka, orange juice, rum, and energy drinks. I down the first few glasses, earning me enthusiastic cheers from my friends. We toast, drink, celebrate—and with each passing minute, I forget a little more about what's going on at home.
I forget that my father has become impossible to please. That, despite all my efforts, I'm meeting his expectations less and less. I forget the helplessness that has been consuming me lately, and I forget this persistent feeling that my mother regrets ever having me.
Hours later, I dance on the table with a bottle in my hand. The brightly flickering lights transport me to another world, the bass thumping in my chest. It drowns out my heartbeat, but it doesn't drown out my fear of not being able to meet the demands placed on me.
Not today.
Suddenly, Levi is beside me. He presses against me, moves to the beat, slides his leg between mine.
"What's wrong, babe?" His hot breath flows over my ear.
With closed eyes, I shake my head. "Everything's fine," I reply even though a burning sensation spreads behind my eyelids.
I can't do this. I need to release this pressure. Just for a few hours, I want to be free. Carefree.
Suddenly, I feel Levi pressing something to my lips. "This will help you."
I raise my eyelids and gaze into his face, which is illuminated by the disco lights. Sweat beads glisten on his forehead, and his eyes are filled with desire.
