"My addiction wasn't solely my fault," it feels strange to say it out loud. Liberating and scary at the same time. "No one forced me; it was my decision, and that will never change. But I did it because I couldn't handle the pressure."
That sometimes subtle but always prevailing pressure that my father imposed on me. It was an escape from what was happening at home, from what I had to endure every day, and from what lay beneath the surface of our family.
"I'm not saying my parents are to blame," I quickly clarify, as I don't want that to be misunderstood. "I'm just saying that maybe we all share some of the blame."
Aurora squeezes my hand.
"Behind every story, there's a truth that we don't see at first glance," I say thoughtfully. Even behind Kjell's story, I'm sure of it.
What if I never find out because he can't forgive me?
I swallow hard. "What if I've lost him forever?" I whisper with a trembling voice.
Although my question may seem completely out of context to her, she just shakes her head with an affectionate smile. "If he loves you, he'll understand why you did it," she says promptly, then reaches for the list of newspapers. "But first, we'll show him how serious you are."
And I am serious. My father will judge me for the rest of his life for defying him, but the truth is, our relationship can't break. That happened a long time ago. Perhaps it's beyond repair—quite the opposite of my love for Kjell.
