Chapter 43
Hanna
With the suitcase I packed in Italy in my hand, I stand before Noah's white-plastered house nestled in the middle of the forest. It's already dark around me, and the frogs croak by the nearby mountain lake.
Inside, there's a warm glow of light. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, I see my brother and Elina cooking together. He's slicing carrots, dressed in his usual plaid shirt with a white T-shirt peeking out. His three-day beard gives his rugged face a daring charm. Elina stirs a steaming pot and can't seem to take her eyes off him. Now he sets the knife aside, takes a carrot slice, and takes a step toward her. With a mischievous grin, Elina shakes her blond hair back and lets him feed her.
The way they look at each other, as if there's nothing more important in the world than their love, makes me smile involuntarily. I notice that the sight no longer hurts me. On the contrary, I'm genuinely happy for them with all my heart. It becomes clear to me that true love exists, and Florian and I have never felt it.
As for Vico and me…
Tears fill my eyes, and I'm unsure of their origin. Are they from the sadness of realizing I've allowed myself to be suppressed in my relationship for years? Or are they from the anger at myself for accepting the marriage proposal when I knew something was wrong?
Don't think for a moment that Vico is waiting for you. I told him about our engagement. He'll never forgive you, Florian had yelled at me after I left the inn. At that moment, I realized he had suspected something all along. That's why he surprised me with a visit to Collina da sogno, even bringing roses. He was afraid of losing me—as his workforce.
How could I have been so blind? And to hurt the man who helped me find myself again, of all people?
Feeling heavy-hearted, I climb the stairs to the wooden veranda and knock on the door.
Elina opens it with a joyful giggle. "Hanna." Her smile fades instantly as her eyes fall on my suitcase. "Oh my God, what happened?"
My throat feels tight. I bite down on my lower lip and blink rapidly.
She comes closer, lovingly putting her arm around my shoulder and guiding me inside. "Could you take Hanna's luggage, please?" she calls out to Noah, who is still in the kitchen at the stove.
He turns around now, immediately grasping the situation. "Um… sure." He hastily wipes his hands on a dish towel and walks to the door. It's clear that seeing me in such a state makes him uncomfortable, and I understand why. For many years, I hid my true feelings, even from him.
"Sit down," Elina directs me to the sofa. "What would you like to drink? Tea, coffee, juice? Or perhaps a shot of Schnapps?"
I wave her off and sink into the orange cushions. "Can I stay with you for a few days?"
With a sympathetic expression, Elina joins me on the sofa and hugs me tightly. "As long as you want."
Grateful, I nod, and now I can feel the tears welling up, impossible to hold back any longer. I cry on Elina's shoulder, and she hands me tissues and gently strokes my back until I calm down at least a little.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks afterward, without putting any pressure on me.
I want to talk because I no longer want to hide myself and my feelings. But where should I start? Probably at the end of the story. "I broke up with Florian."
For a moment, Elina looks as if she's seen a ghost.
"Actually, the only unbelievable thing about it is that I didn't do it much earlier," I confess, and then I proceed to tell her about the dynamics that kept me tethered to Florian all those years. I grab a pillow and knead it as I share every thought swirling in my head with her for minutes on end.
"That's why I was certain I couldn't survive without him. I knew he would take care of me as long as he was by my side. In my mind, I was dependent on him," I conclude, feeling ashamed even as the words leave my lips.
Was I myself possibly being with him only because of that? Did not only he take advantage of me, but also I of him?
"That's what he wanted you to believe," Elina looks at me intensely.
I pluck a loose thread from the pillow on my lap. There might be some truth to that. He was always trying to keep me small. "Do you think so?"
"I'm afraid so," she shrugs. "Noah and I talked about it often. He was always skeptical of Florian but didn't realize how bad it really was."
So this man not only deceived me, but he locked me in a gilded cage, and no one truly saw it. I nod absentmindedly.
"What happened that made you realize it now?" my future sister-in-law asks next.
A wistful smile spreads across my face, because there's only one person responsible for this realization. "Vico." My heart feels heavy.
