Chapter 33
Elina
Motionless, my head rests against his chest. But inside me, thoughts are racing. They're searching for an answer. For a pattern I couldn't see before.
It's there. I know it for sure.
The fact that Noah clearly doesn't want to help me decipher this puzzle only makes it harder. What I heard last night doesn't fit together. Just a minor injury leading to a fatality? A small fall, no blood, yet loss of consciousness?
Something is wrong here. I need to learn more.
About Julian and what happened to him.
Because one thing is clear: that's where the key to Noah's chronic exhaustion lies. He probably has these terrible nightmares almost every night. His soul is trying to process his trauma, but he has repressed it so strongly that even his nightly thoughts don't penetrate his consciousness.
"Elina?" He gently strokes my back. "That's how it is, isn't it? We're happy."
Looking out at the wooded mountain landscape, I nod. "We are," I reply even though I know I should hold my heart better. "But your health is suffering permanently if you—"
He cuts me off with a strained sigh. "It will resolve itself. You're reading too much into it."
Certainly not. But despite my conviction, I dare not tell him that. Because there's something in his tone. Something final. Something that makes it clear to me that he won't entertain any further questions. And if I do, he won't let me in anymore.
That must not happen.
I lift my head and smile at him. "What do you want to do today?" I ask, trying to sound as carefree as possible.
Finally, his facial muscles relax, and his loving gaze returns. The gaze I'm so addicted to that I never want to go without it again even though this man could be my downfall.
He lowers his head to kiss me. "Unfortunately, I have the afternoon shift," he says through gritted teeth as he pulls away minutes later.
At least that gives me time to sort out my thoughts. To figure out how I can help him without pressuring him too much and causing him to close off completely like he just did.
"Then let's stay here a little longer," I say as I snuggle up to him and close my eyes, wanting to savor the comfort his presence gives me. "It's so wonderfully peaceful."
We enjoy the morning together on the small veranda of the observatory, tilting our faces toward the sun and breathing in the forest air. This place has something magical about it that quiets my soul, even though I usually thrive on the hustle and bustle.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that I haven't missed Vienna as strongly lately. This, the nature, the tranquility, and the authentic way of life ground me in a very special way.
Perhaps I could stay. Forever.
No, that's not possible. Regardless of whether I'm mistaken about Noah or not, I have to leave for the specialized training program.
"We should start making our way," Noah says wistfully out of nowhere.
"Now?" We've only just woken up; it can't be that late. Confused, I take out my phone from my jacket pocket.
Indeed, it's almost noon. But that's not the only thing I see on the display.
There's something else. An email from Graz State Hospital. My goodness.
"Oh yes, time ticks differently out here." Noah laughs amused, but to me, it sounds like he's far away.
It could be another invitation for an interview. Another chance. I should be happy, but something inside me resists.
For the first time in my life, I'm no longer certain if my dream was born in my own heart or rather in the hearts of my parents. And if it's truly right to fight for their attention and love in this way, something I've longed for so much.
Suddenly, I feel Noah pressing closer to me. "What's wrong? You look pale."
