She reaches for my hand. "We can handle this together."
But there's nothing to handle. Why doesn't she understand?
"Stop, Elina." I sound harsher than I intend to. But I have no choice. The past should be left alone. I'm actually glad that I lack the memory of the accident. And it wouldn't change anything, even if it were different. Julian is dead, and no matter how it happened exactly, I was there. I should have helped him. But obviously, I didn't.
I see her take a step back out of the corner of myeye. Her shoulders slump forward, and she bites her thumbnail.
It's as if I've offended her, but this has nothing to do with her. Or with us. It's solely about me and something I just want to forget.
Apologetically, I pull her into my arms. "Wouldn't we rather enjoy this beautiful morning?" I ask in the softest tone I can manage. "Being with you makes me happy. I don't need to know anything else. And neither do you, right?"
She rests her head against my chest and exhales audibly, while I count the seconds until she finally speaks about what's going on inside her.
