Silence spreads between us. All I hear is his strained breathing.
Now I do it. I turn to him and look into his closed-off face. "You can trust me, you know that."
He swallows. His lower lip disappears into his mouth. It's likely that he's biting it until it bleeds.
"What happened, Noah?" I ask once again as gently as I can so that he doesn't hear the panic rising within me. The fear that his answer could destroy everything in an instant.
More seconds pass in which he only stares at me. There's no sorrow in his face, but also no love. I can't discern anything. Absolutely nothing.
"One should let the dead rest," he suddenly says in a hoarse voice, turning away and opening his backpack.
Indecisively, I shift from one foot to the other. Should I inquire further? Or is it better to end this conversation for today?
"But..." I start softly.
Immediately, he raises his hand in a dismissive gesture. "I've cooked something for us," he says excitedly, pulling out three Tupperware containers from his backpack. "I owed you that anyway."
So he doesn't want to talk about it further.
What does that mean?
That Clara told me the truth? Or is it simply that he's not yet ready to tell me about Julian because he's afraid I might judge him prematurely?
Either way, I need to take it slowly. If I pressure him now, he might withdraw from me.
I don't want that. The mere thought brings tears to my eyes. I need his closeness, to breathe in his scent and forget the world, especially his world, together with him.
My God, what am I thinking?
He could be the biggest mistake of my life. Bigger than the firefighter. He destroyed my career. Noah would surely do the same, as Helene made abundantly clear. And if he's truly dangerous, then I don't know what else could happen.
But there he stands, looking at me with that loving gaze that melts all my resistance.
He approaches me and wraps his arms around me. I instantly feel like I'm coming home. Like I'm in the only place in the world where I truly belong.
I can't help it and snuggle against him with longing. It doesn't take a second for the warning voice inside me to quiet down. It gives way to something much greaterand more beautiful than any worries. "That sounds wonderful. Let's eat," I say with a contented sigh.
***
Hours later, we lie together on the pulled-out sofa, gazing up at the night sky above us. I nestle against his shoulder, his fingers tenderly caressing my upper arm. While enjoying his homemade chanterelle mushroom goulash, we talked about everything except Julian. And this moment is too beautiful to jeopardize it.
"This place is very special," I say dreamily. "Only in the open nature is the sky so clear."
Noah turns to me and kisses my forehead. "In the city, you'll never see the stars shining with this intensity. Not just because of the pollution, but also because it's never dark there."
He's probably right. "A city never sleeps," I confirm absentmindedly, picturing myself stumbling home from a party in the middle of the night. I'm never alone; there's always something going on.
He clears his throat noticeably. "Do you miss Vienna?" he asks finally, sounding so cautious as if he's afraid of triggering an avalanche with his words.
Even though there's nowhere else I'd rather be than in this observatory, I nod. I have no idea why.
His hand finds my cheek. "Because your family is there."
Perhaps.
"Tell me about them," he gently prompts me.
I press closer to him. "There's not much to tell."
