Chapter 21
Maya
With her two stuffed dogs in her arms, Sophia blinks wearily. She does everything she can to stay awake because this evening is special to her. Josh reads her a bedtime story in the dim light of the bedside lamp. It's the very first time in her life.
At the beginning, he sat stiffly on the edge of her canopy bed, but with each page, he becomes more courageous. Now he even changes his voice when the big bear speaks, giving the bear girl in the story a bright tone.
He turns the page. "And when the girl saw what the big bear had prepared, she hugged him tightly. She loved him so much that she never wanted to let him go." For a moment, he looks up at Sophia. Then he clears his throat. "And they lived happily ever after."
I let out a sigh. This story is my favorite of all.
Josh closes the book and looks at me questioningly. I try to gesture to him that now is the right time to hug his daughter.
He hesitates. And Sophia doesn't make it easy for him either. It's as if both of them are afraid of each other. And afraid of how the other will react.
Finally, he gently strokes her upper arm. "Sleep tight."
Sophia nods silently.
It wasn't successful, but it was his first attempt. I lean over the little curly head and hold her close to me. The princess-glitter scent of her shampoo fills my nose, and the warmth of her delicate body feels comforting. "Sweet dreams. Of cotton candy and balloons. Of..."
"Ponies and waterslides." She finishes my sentence, just like every other evening. Then her eyelids close. "Love you, Maya."
I hug her tightly once again, as if I never want to let go. "And I love you."
I remain in that position for a few more seconds before straightening up. My gaze meets Josh's, and not for the first time, I get the impression that he's observing me. A flicker lights up in his eyes with a longing gleam on his face.
His expression makes me nervous. It's that admiration with which he looks at me.
As if I were something special.
Nonsense. The sweet story, the princess ambience of the room, and the twinkling fairy lights on the wall are responsible for this mood. Not me.
I signal him to leave the room with me so Sophia can sleep undisturbed. We tiptoe out.
"Thank you for taking the time," I say to Josh as we walk down the stairs together. "You canceled your strategy meeting for your daughter. It means a lot to her, even if she can't show it yet."
A shy grin forms on his face. "I wasn't good at it."
I quickly shake my head. "It was your first attempt. Give yourselves a little time."
He slows his pace. "And what if I can't do it?"
What does he mean by that? I study his chiseled face, but I don't find any clues.
He leans against the wall as if a heavy weariness overcomes him. "We're flying to Stockholm tomorrow."
Of course, we are. His next concert is coming up. "Don't worry, I talked to Sophia about it. She understands that you can't always be there for her, and that's okay. As long as you give her your undivided attention from time to time."
With a depressed expression, he massages his temples. "No, it's not that." Suddenly, he pushes himself off the wall and rushes down the stairs.
I follow him on his way to the living room. Is he worried about the performance? "In the past few days, your hand seemed fine. I heard you play." And it was filled with magic, I would love to add. But it doesn't feel right to praise something he does. It's already scary enough that I forget everything around me when I listen to his music. Or look into his eyes.
He stops in front of the glass door leading to the terrace. The rays of the setting sun cast a long shadow behind him.
We all have our shadows, I hear my father whisper mournfully within me. Immediately, my muscles tense up. Shadows are something I don't want to think about.
"I won't be performing in Stockholm," he says, his upper body vibrating as if he needs to take a deep breath. Then he swallows hard. "A specialist will reconstruct the damage to my cervical spine so that my nerve pathways are clear again and the tremor stops."
