"Just do it," I urge myself. "This moment is as good as any other."
It will never be easy. The day when I can walk into this damn gorge without any issues will never come.
I press my lips together and swallow hard. Then I abruptly set myself in motion. My foot steps onto the path that winds into the gorge.
It has happened. I have crossed the threshold.
A leaden heaviness overcomes me. It presses down on my shoulders and squeezes my chest. Yet I don't turn back. My thoughts are with Elina. How proud she would be if she could see me here now. She would nod approvingly, and her eyes would shine.
I believe in you. And I believe in us.That's what she would say, I'm sure. It is for that reason alone that I bravely venture deeper into the gorge.
In the pouring rain, I cross the wooden bridge. The planks are as slippery as a frozen mountain lake. Once on the other side of the gorge, I carefully place one foot in front of the other. The path is narrow, the ground slick. With each step, it gives way a little more.
Keeping my gaze on the ground, I continue to feel my way forward. Suddenly, I spot footprints. Someonemust have walked here not too long ago. Or am I just imagining the tracks? Just like I've been seeing my deceased friend all day?
Who would walk into the gorge in this weather? Nobody does that. Nobody is that crazy.
Wait a minute!
Nobody is that crazy.That's what I said to my best friend back then.
Yes, that's how it was. Right here, at this narrow spot where I am now, the thunderstorm caught us by surprise.
Suddenly, the situation becomes crystal clear in my mind. And Julian appears before my eyes again even though I know he's not really here.
"We need to turn back," I say to him, just like I did back then, hastily pulling the rain cover over my backpack even though everything is already wet.
My friend looks up at the sky, trying to assess the situation. "It will pass quickly."
No, it won't. I know it because my memory has come rushing back. It has been pouring down relentlessly this whole time. Even when the helicopter came to transport Julian, the storm hadn't subsided.
I need to make him understand that. If he knows, he won't continue walking. And then he won't fall, and everything will be fine. "You're probably right," I say, despite knowing the truth.
Just like on that dreadful day.
Dammit.
Julian turns around and keeps walking. Back then, just like today, I follow him.
He heads toward the next bend.
That's where it happened.
I reach out my hand, wanting to warn him, but no words escape my lips. With a pounding heart and shallow breaths, I helplessly watch as he disappears behind a rock ledge.
My God, I have to do something!
A piercing scream reaches my ears.
"Julian!" I shout, and as soon as I utter his name, panic spreads within me.
Without regard for my own safety, I sprint forward.
"Help! Can someone please help me?" His voice sounds too feminine, yet I’m certain my memory is playing cruel tricks on me.
Breathless, I reach the rock ledge.
Just one more step, and I will see him.
