Chapter 44
Noah
The rain makes the surface of the pebbles slippery. With each step, I slide downhill, but I maintain control over my body. It's my thoughts that I struggle to control.
I've climbed the Großer Semm. Now, less than a hundred yards separate me from the entrance to the gorge.
I look up, raindrops pelting my face.
Entering the gorge now is not a good idea. Today is a bad day.
Come on, let's take a detour, Julian pleads with me, just as he did back then.
Even today, I shake my head. "Just a moment ago, you complained about a stomachache, and now you want to extend the hike?" I turn to him in my thoughts, examining his expression.
What's there?
A slightly protruding lower lip. A tense jawline. Now, a shrug of the left shoulder. They're gone.
I have no reason not to trust him. There are no signs that he's lying to me, so I nod toward the gorge. "Well then..."
In my mind's eye, I see my best friend walking past me, entering the narrow path into the Semmtal Gorge as if nothing sinister awaits him there.
As for me, I remain rooted to the spot. My legs refuse to follow him. Water droplets loosen from the edge of my hood, obscuring my vision.
"I can't do this." What if I follow Julian and find something there that I can't bear, something even worse than having no memory? What if there's a truth waiting for me in that gorge that will completely shatter my world?
For months, I've built this secure barrier. It's the only way I can manage my daily life.
Nothing is ever lost as long as we don't give up on it, whispers Elina softly inside me.
If she were here by my side, everything would be different. With her hand in mine, I would enter the gorge. Together, we could fight our way to the place that changed my life forever. She would look at me with her powerful gaze, and I would know that I can conquer anything with her.
But she's gone because I drove her away. I'm on my own, and I have to face this alone.
"For Elina," I say to myself, forcing myself to take a step. Then another.
My heart races, and my breathing becomes heavy.
Another step.
Julian waves at me from a distance.Come on, we don't have all day.
From a distance, I observe him. Everything about him seems normal. Only his back is slightly hunched, but it always is. He signals for me to get a move on.
Struggling with myself, I look down. The ground beneath my hiking shoes is damp, just like my shoes. Above me, two weather fronts clash thunderously.
Running into the gorge in this rain is madness!
"Let's turn back," I shout through the veil of rain to Julian.
Did I do that back then too? Did it even rain when we entered the gorge?
I don't know. Where my memory should reside, there's only a dark spot.
Julian acts as if he doesn't hear me at all. Wordlessly, he turns away and marches forward. Soon, he takes the first bend and disappears from my view.
Indecisively, I gaze at the path.
