She shudders. My proximity makes her uncomfortable.
And suddenly, I realize that I'm an idiot. Foolish enough to believe that she would reciprocate my feelings. "You're right."
"Sophia needs me." Her voice is a mere croak. Nervously, she tugs at the hem of her T-shirt.
I feel the urge to stroke her cheek. But I have to suppress it. Obviously, our kiss didn't mean anything to her. "Of course."
Disheartened, I turn away. From the corner of my eye, I can see that Maya is breathing heavily. Her fingers tremble as she tucks her black hair behind her ear. With a pained smile, she says goodbye, then she's gone.
In the turmoil of emotions, I watch her go. Part of me doesn't want to believe that she truly feels nothing for me even though all her signals indicate otherwise. Maybe it's wishful thinking. Just an illusion I create for myself to hold on to hope. The thought weighs heavily on my shoulders as I slowly cross the waiting room.
Before I reach my seat, Tamika enters the room like a whirlwind. "It's your turn." She sounds cold and distant. Has she been watching Maya and me, drawing the wrong conclusions? "Come on, we're in a hurry." Her eyebrows rise, and she pulls me out of the room before I can say anything.
A few minutes later, I sit across from the doctor in the soberly furnished treatment room. With a satisfied expression, he studies my medical records.
"The damage to your cervical spine has beensuccessfully reconstructed." Tiny wrinkles form around his azure eyes.
Although I could already feel it these past few days, hearing it from his mouth is different. It's as if I'm standing on the highest mountain in the world, filling my lungs with clean air for the first time in a long while. But Maya's strange behavior prevents me from soaring. The knowledge that we don't feel the same way for each other weighs on me like a heavy anchor.
"So I'll be able to play," I say, more to myself than to him. This is great, and I shouldn't let anything spoil my joy about it.
He spreads his arms. "You will. Rest your hand for a few more weeks and complete the physiotherapy. By autumn, you'll be back to your old self." He appears so casual. His tanned skin from the tanning bed and the light blond gelled hairstyle further emphasizes that impression.
For him, it may be taken for granted. But for me, it isn't. He saved my career.
He savedme.
Relieved, I look at him. "If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know. A private concert just for you and your wife on your anniversary or signed CDs for your friends. Anything you like."
His lips curl into a mischievous grin. "I'll gladly take you up on that."
It's a good thing Tamika always carries merchandise. I ask her to come in and hand over what we have, although I know it's not enough. Because nothing could ever be enough. Thanks to him, everything will be as it was before the fall.
Everything, except my feelings for Maya.
