I can well imagine that. Because that's exactly how I got to know the girl. And even though it has gotten better now, there are still moments when she falls back into her old patterns.
"Look at her today," he urges me.
I raise my gaze. Humming a song, Sophia walks along the beach. Abruptly, she stops and bends down to pick up a stone. She turns it over in her hand with excitement.
My eyes fill with tears. Because I see so clearly that she can see the wonders of this world again.
"That's entirely your merit."
Josh's voice suddenly seems far away. Because I'm trapped in the imagination of possibly being able to make my dream come true after all. I mold my mouth into a longing smile.
"Thank you for being there for her." Is that Josh's arm I suddenly feel on my shoulders? Is it his enthusiastic tone that makes my heart gallop?
Instantly, I'm alarmed. His proximity turns me into someone I don't want to be, so I move a little to the side. "I can't replace her father."
A deep sigh escapes his mouth. "I'm doing my best."
But that's not enough. At least it hasn't been so far. Because something is blocking him. And it has to do with his piano playing.
"Why did you cancel the concert?" Tamika reported food poisoning on the TV interview this morning. What a charade. "You certainly didn't eat anything wrong."
Immediately, his hand forms a fist. Seeing that is enough for me to realize that his entire body is probably tense.
I want to know. Because I can't shake the feeling that the cancellation and his behavior toward Sophia are related. Since he's not speaking, I venture a guess. "You can't play." Even though I try to sound gentle, his flinch is noticeable. I avoid looking at him. For pure self-protection. "Why not?"
He remains silent.
I let my gaze wander over the vastness of the sea in front of us. The surface is smooth now, but underneathlie currents capable of sweeping everything away. "Look, I don't really care. The only thing I care about is Sophia," I finally say even though deep inside I feel there might be more.
He is silent again.
"All I want is for her to be happy," I add. Then I bite my tongue to keep the next words, which form in my mouth almost by themselves, from having a chance to be said.
Something moves next to me. From the corner of my eye, I see him lift his arm, only to let it fall back onto the sand. "I ..." he starts hesitantly.
A jerky movement later, I feel his hand on my forearm.
It's trembling.
Startled, I lift my gaze and look directly in his sad face. I can't help but lay my fingers on his. Immediately, I feel the warmth of his skin and see the despair in his expression.
A wave of sympathy overwhelms me. I don't know how his problem arose, and I have no idea how long he's been struggling with it. But one thing is more than clear. His hand makes him someone he doesn't want to be.
Inevitably, I see the video of Josh's performance in my memory again. Again, I feel the passion that fills him. And that very special kind of love that few people ever get to experience.
I should say something. Something comforting maybe or something wise. But instead, I absentmindedly pull him into my arms and stroke his back.
Have I gone crazy? Why am I doing this?
Startled by my own behavior, I push him away and remove my hands from him. I ignore his confused expression. Not even I understand what got into me just now.
A drawn-out cough comes from his mouth. "It's due to an injury to the cervical spine. My doctor is working on a solution. Everything will be alright soon." He doesn't seem to believe what he's saying. "Please keep it to yourself."
"Don't worry, I will." I wish my voice was steady, but it rather resembles the croak of a sick rooster.
"If my fans find out about this, my career is over." He shakes his head, disheartened. "And the music award will forever remain an unfulfilled dream."
I sit on my hands so they can't move without my permission again. "Have you ever thought there's more to life than your career?" I deliberately leave the wordonlyout of my sentence. Who am I to criticize his way of life when at least he has achieved something, unlike me?
