For a minute, I’m speechless. This is a different side of Jake. It’s hard to reconcile the best friend who broke my heart and the man in front of me. They’re the same person but completely different. Since he’s come back into my life, he’s emotionally opened himself up to me in ways he never did in the past. He’s supported me. Taken care of me. Proved to me, time and time again, that he wants to be in my life.
“You’re my best friend. You might not feel the same way yet, but I want to earn the privilege of being your best friend again. The past couple of months have been some of the hardest but best of my life because I’ve been with you.” He scoots over to me and leans against the side of the truck bed. Shoulder to shoulder, like we used to do. “I don’t want to lose you again. Your friendship is the most important thing in my life. You’re the most important person.”
I lean my head on his shoulder. “I’d love to have my best friend back. For good.”
He drapes his arm around me, pulls me into a side hug, and then rests his head on mine. “I can make that happen. Does this mean the best friend oath is back in play?”
“Sure. As punishment for your asshole behavior, I’m the only one who can use it moving forward,” I say with a smirk.
A deep laugh booms out of his chest. “That seems fair. Well played.”
thirty-five
The bonfire flickersagainst the darkness of the night as Jake and I lie in the truck bed and reminisce. Although I hated rehashing what happened between us and sharing how much he hurt me, the boulder that was sitting on my chest for more than a decade has disappeared. I never realized how much pain I was still carrying around until I let it go tonight.
“Do you remember the girl I dated during the first week of college? What was her name? The blonde who followed me around?” Jake asks, leaning back on his elbows.
“Blonde. Followed you around. Doesn’t narrow it down. Half the girls in our freshman class did that,” I tease, arching my eyebrows, daring him to argue with me.
“True. But notallof them were blonde,” he says with a sly smile and a glint in his eye. “You know who I’m talking about, don’t you?”
I shake my head, pushing up to lean against the side of the truck again and wrapping the blanket around me tighter. I sigh. “Yes. Her name was Lindsey. I don’t know if I’d use the word ‘date’ to describe what the two of you did.” There were absolutelyno meals shared between them. “You hooked up two, maybe three times, so she assumed you were getting married.”
I serve up a massive dose of side-eye to him until he says, “You’re saying I’ve missed the chance with my one true love?”
I lose it. Laughing so hard my sides hurt, with Jake howling alongside me. Each time we attempt to control ourselves, one of us busts up again after looking at the other. It takes more than a few minutes for us to calm down enough to carry on a conversation.
God. I’ve missed moments like this with him.
Jake moves to sit against the side of the truck, staring at me. He’s more relaxed than I’ve seen him in weeks. Maybe it’s the two beers he had earlier, the glow of the fire, or finally dealing with the elephant in the room. Whatever it is, I’m grateful he’s been able to enjoy the rest of this night as much as I have, minus the crying. Part of me wishes we could stay here forever. In this bubble, where things between us are good. Where he’s my best friend. Without any stress from the real world. None of the drama and pain. Where we’re always side-by-side instead of multiple states apart.
“I’ve missed this. You. Me. Us.”
“Me, too.”
He gazes at me from across the truck bed, then slowly takes my hand in his and squeezes. “I don’t want to lose you ever again.” He doesn’t let go as he pierces my soul with his eyes, almost like he’s searching for redemption. I soften my face and smile, trying to convey that we’re on the same page. Our friendship matters to me, too.
An expression I can’t quite place comes across his face. Curious and introspective, like he’s trying to figure out whether he should do or say something. It’s perplexing because Jake’s usually impulsive, with zero regard for consequences.
Out of nowhere, Jake reaches for me and cups my cheek. Heat courses through my body as he brings his lips to mine.
Oh my God.
Jake’s kissing me.
My brain is freaking out, confused by what’s happening, until my body quickly decides to take over, and suddenly,I’mkissing Jake back.
My mouth slowly opens. The tentativeness has completely gone; now it’s full of passion. Our lips crash together in a flurry of tongues, stroking each other, as he moves one hand into my hair while the other remains on my cheek. Electricity zings through every inch of my body, making me feel alive for the first time in a I don’t know how long—maybe forever.
I let out a soft moan, and he pulls me closer until my chest is against his, and I feel warmth radiating off him. The heaving of his chest, the firmness of his muscles, and the growing length in his jeans.
I’m completely consumed by his hold on me.
And the passion between us.
The heat.
And then it all fizzles like a bucket of cold water being poured over me.
