I’m kissing Jake.
My best friend.
Barely a week after I ended my engagement.
What the actual fuck is wrong with me?
Wrong with him?
I push him away. My breathing erratic, my heart racing. “We can’t do this.” I use the sleeve of my jacket to wipe at my lips, trying to erase what just happened.
I want to go back to a few minutes ago, when we had never crossed this line. When we were only friends. “What were you thinking, Jake?”
thirty-six
Hastily,I jump off the truck and start pacing as my heart pounds. I can’t think straight. Can’t comprehend what just occurred. Why would he kiss me? It doesn’t make any sense. The speed of my footsteps picks up, as if the action will somehow provide me with more separation from the events of the night.
I startle when Jake appears next to me, grabbing my shoulders to stop me and gazing at me. My eyes shift downward, unable to look at him.
I’m confused.
Frustrated.
And he looks fine.
How is that possible?
“Kate,” he says, delicately tipping my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Tell me what’s going on in your beautiful mind.” He’s completely calm and collected. Relaxed, as if nothing major just occurred between us. As if he wasn’t impacted at all by that kiss.
“Are you kidding me? You kissed me,” I shout. How can he be so nonchalant? Nothing like this has ever happened between us before.
We’ve been friends.
Practically family.
That’s it.
What was he thinking?
“I know.”
“You know?” I throw my arms in the air, releasing the grasp he had on me, and start pacing again. “How is this not a big deal to you?”
“Never said it wasn’t.”
“That’s all you’re going to say? We’refriends, Jake,” I yell, angrily gesturing at him while I stomp back and forth.
“I know.” He leans against the side of the truck, watching me. “Are you going to stop stomping long enough for us to talk?”
“I can multitask. You should know that better than anyone.”
“Didn’t say you couldn’t. Just thought it might be best if we sat down for this conversation,” he says calmly, motioning to the back of his truck.
My frustration rises. Although he didn’ttechnicallytell me to calm down, he’s implying it. “I don’t need to sit down. I’m fully capable of talking and walking.”
“Okay.” He crosses his arms. “Let’s talk. What do you want to know?”
“What do I want to know?” I shout, briefly stopping to glare at him and folding my arms across my chest, mirroring him. “I don’t know. How about why the hell you kissed me?” I don’t know what I’m expecting from him since I never envisioned a world where we might kiss.
