Shock had her stepping back. “You—you can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because liars don’t get forever. That’s not what happens to people like us.” They weren’t made for happy endings. A happy ending would not be in the cards for her, she understood that. They didn’t have a bright, shiny future just waiting in the wings once the mission was over. They only had the dangerous here and now.
“Who says we can’t have forever?” Ryan wanted to know.
But she shook her head. “What are we going to do? Get a house with a picket fence in a small town? Take the kids trick-or-treating and hold Easter egg hunts in our front yard?” Mocking words but…
The image…
The idea…
The temptation…
I want that life. A secret whisper in her mind. She wanted a home. She didn’t care if the town was big or small. She wanted a family. Trick-or-treating. Oh, but she could design an amazing haunted house and she could scare everyone and she’d dress up as a witch and laugh as her own little demons rushed home. Maybe a son with dark eyes like Ryan’s. Or a daughter with her smile.
No. That life is not for me.
She couldn’t have fantasies like that. Fantasies like that hurt too much. They reminded her of when she’d been a kid and she’d used to dream and wish that her parents would come back. That it had all just been some terrible mistake. They weren’t really dead. They were going to show up, at any moment. With her cat. And they were going to go back home. And she’d ride in her Sunfish with her dad. And she’d go trick-or-treating. Finally get to wear the dragon costume that her mother had so carefully made for her that last year. A costume she’d never gotten to wear because the car accident had occurred three weeks before Halloween.
I can’t have fantasies. I can’t have dreams.
“We could do all that,” Ryan said, speaking thoughtfully. “The house with the picket fence. I happen to know a really great city on the bay, and the sheriff there is top-notch, though I am a bit biased when it comes to Agnes.”
What?
“Or, we could let you run through Europe. Jezebel happens to think that you have all the makings for a fabulous spy.”
A spy. A life with more lies. No, thanks. She was full up on lies.
“Exciting places,” Ryan murmured. “Big cities. A new background story every few months.”
“And danger.” She swallowed to choke down the lump in her throat. “Not too sure I’m big on the constant danger. It can get a little tiring after a while.”
“So you’re saying you’re a small-town girl at heart?”
No, she was saying… “Some people are afraid to dream, so they’re not really sure what they want.”
A nod. “You’re being honest with me.”
“And you’re being honest with me.” Talk about a completely new experience.
He crept toward her. “Little scary, isn’t it?”
It was. “Not quite as scary as being kidnapped and waking up to a guy saying he’ll cut off your fingers but, yes, it’s intense.”
Ryan studied her a moment longer, then nodded. “I’ll be down the hall. You know where my room is.” He turned away.
Hold up. That was it? “You’re leaving?”
He glanced back at her. “I’m sorry. I’ve never fallen in love before, so I’m pretty sure that I’ve been screwing things up with you from the beginning.”
What. The. Hell? Had he just said love?
“But I wanted you to know how I felt. I didn’t want to lie to you about my feelings. I wanted to be able to stare you in the eyes and just tell you the truth. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul, isn’t it?” The faint lines around his mouth deepened.
“You…you are not falling in love with me.”
