He blew out a breath and dragged a hand through his hair. Now it was disheveled, the way he’d looked after swimming with her at the river. Last Friday, when she’d looked across the ballroom and seen the composed Duke of Cashard as her next dance partner, she’d barely recognized him in his icy perfection.
But this man…? This man sheknew.
“So…are you going to just ignore the fact I proposed marriage?” he finally said.
So had Callan’s father. But nay, she couldn’t stand to compare the two of them.
“Is that what ye were doing?” She tried to keep her tone light. Without looking at him, she aimlessly picked at the pattern of probably-not-a-bouquet-of-phalluses on her gown. “I thought it was a dukish command.”
“It’sducal,” he corrected, “and I don’t want to command you.”
“Ye could.” It took a moment to realize the whisper had come fromher.
Peeking at him from under her lashes, she saw him shake his head in frustration. But she was right; he was aduke, for God’s sake, and she’d already been in his bed once before. Although they weren’t formal, Society would already consider her his doxy.
But…marriage?
“I don’t want to command you,” he repeated.
Then, to her surprise, he lunged forward, scooping up her hand in both of his again.
“I don’t want to command you, Athena, because that’s not who I am. And it’s damn certain not who you are.”
Her lips formed the word, “What?” as she finally lifted her chin, but no sound came out.
“You are strong and brave and smart, Athena. You don’t take the easy path when you know it’s not the right one. You do what’s best for you and Callan, despite knowing how hard it will be, and you’ve weathered everything Society could throw at you, andyou still have love in your heart.” He squeezed her hand, his blue gaze intent. “So much love, Athena. I don’t want to command you to doanything. I want toask, to beg even. I want to be the right path for you. I want you to choose me because it’s the right thing for you and Callan.”
Before she could even begin to process his words, much less think of an answer, his shoulders slumped slightly.
“I want you to love me,” he whispered.
It was the plea she heard in Cash’s voice which broke her heart all over again. Hearing him say such wonderful, perfect things to her, caused her resolve to weaken. She’d thought her heart couldn’t hurt any more than when she’d had to accept they couldn’t be together, but now…
Tears gathered in her eyes as she covered their joined hands with her second one and squeezed his knuckles. “I am sorry, Cash,” she whispered. “I learned long ago that loving someone wasnae a good enough reason to spend my life with them.”
Her heart had been wrong about Callan’s father, and she had been lucky enough to realize her mistake in time.
To her surprise, he blinked at her for a moment, then snorted in derision. “That’s a stupid thing for someone as smart as you to say.” Before she could object to the insult, he shook his head. “Loving someone is thebestreason to spend your life with them. That’s why you have Callan in your life—you love him.”
This was harder than she’d expected, and she’d never expected it to be easy. Not that she had ever expected him to offer marriage in the first place.
When she closed her eyes, she felt twin tears leak out from under her lids and couldn’t call them back. Sheknewshewas making the right decision for herself, but did that mean she was making the right decision for Callan? For Matthew?For Cash?
She swallowed, then whispered in a small voice, “No’ if they dinnae love me in return.”
“Is that it?” The question burst out of him with an exhalation which might’ve been a laugh…or incredulity. She opened her eyes to see him staring at her, one corner of his lips pulled up as he gazed fondly at her. “Have youreallynot realized what I’m trying to say? I take it back, Athena. You’re brave and strong, but sometimes, you’re very silly.”
She blinked at the insult, her shoulders slowly straightening as she tried to figure out his meaning. “I may no’ be the smartest woman, but?—”
“I love you.”
She frowned at the interruption. “No ye dinnae.” He was just saying what he thought she wanted to hear, after her confession. “Ye want a mistress. Someone to warm ye at night.”
He clucked his tongue, then sighed, almost ruefully. As if he were…disappointed? Disappointed in her?
“Remember what you once told me?” Cash’s lips quirked as he mimicked her brogue. “If a woman ever found herself lucky enough to be loved by ye, she should insist on marrying ye.”
She’d said that?
