Why would Mason ever be interested in me? Shit, I was so messed up I couldn’t even sleep through the night.
Mason reached out and put a hand on my shoulder, his brow creasing. “Idolike you. I just don’t think when you’ve just had a nightmare is the right time for this. So maybe we can talk about it in the morning?”
But I knew he was just trying to let me down gently, and I couldn’t find the words to tell him that I’d messed up whatever this was between us and it wasn’t his fault. I couldn’t find any words at all.
So I did what Chase and I had always done when things were fucked up.
I ran.
CHAPTER 11
MASON
Cash leapt out of bed like a scalded cat and bolted. I was too stunned to follow, but Dog darted after him. By the time my brain had caught up to what had just happened and reminded my body to actually start moving, there was no way I could have caught him.
If he hadn’t been downstairs standing right in front of the closed door of the clinic, that was. His arm was extended, his hand touching the doorknob, but he wasn’t moving. It was as though he’d made it that far and been instantly frozen to the spot.
As the lights came on, he turned around to face me. “Sorry, I—” His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Sorry. I’m supposed to feed the kittens.”
He looked humiliated. He looked very young and very afraid, and my heart hurt for him. It was obvious that every cell in his body was screaming at him to flee, but he’d said he’d stay. He was still here because he’d made a promise to some stray kittens. How fucking incredible was that? How fucking impossibly sweet was he?
“Cash.” I didn’t know what to say to not push him into further distress. But it was the middle of the night, and he wasupset, and so was I, and I figured we both needed some comfort right now. “Do you want a hot chocolate?”
I didn’t wait for him to answer but turned and headed for the kitchen, letting Cash follow at his own pace. Dog, who clearly thought he wasn’t moving fast enough, yo-yoed between us the whole way there. Cash slid silently into a chair. I pretended not to notice him wiping at his eyes with the hem of his shirt, keeping my gaze fixed on where I was stirring the milk for the hot chocolate.
When it was ready, I poured it into two mugs and carried them to the table, sliding one wordlessly over to Cash.
His knuckles were white with how hard he gripped the handle of the mug when he picked it up, and I pretended not to notice that either. I just took a sip and hummed like there was nothing at stake here, and after giving me a cautious glance, Cash took a sip of his own. We sat like that for a while until Cash was no longer vibrating with tension, and I considered how to talk to him without fucking this up. Because I really, really didn’t want to fuck this up, and I knew that with one wrong word from me, he’d bolt out that door and I’d probably never see him again.
In the end, I asked, “Have you kissed anyone before?”
Cash looked up quickly, catching my gaze for a second before looking down again and shaking his head. Then he looked up again, held my gaze, and whispered, “I never wanted to kiss anyone before. But it’s different with you.”
His brow creased, like maybe he was expecting me to laugh at him or something, and my chest ached for him.
“I’m flattered you want to kiss me,” I said. Then, so there wasn’t any doubt about my attraction to Cash, I added, “And just so we’re clear, I like you too and I’d like to kiss you some more, if that’s what you want.”
A look of surprise flashed across Cash’s features but he didn’t say anything, and I made myself wait while he got his thoughtstogether. There was no rush. It wasn’t like I was going anywhere. Finally, he took another mouthful of his hot chocolate. Then he turned the mug in his hands and stared into it like it held the secrets of the universe before asking, “Then why’d you say no?”
His voice cracked a little, and so did my heart.
If talking was hard for Cash, how much more difficult had it been for him to do something as bold as kissing me? And even though I hadn’t meant to reject him, I could see now how he’d taken what I said that way. He’d heard my initial rejection and filled in the blanks.
But I hadn’t said no because I didn’t want this. I wanted it more than I had any right to. I just didn’t want Cash to do something he’d regret later simply because he was desperate for comfort.
Watching him with his shoulders hunched like he was bracing himself for a blow, it was suddenly imperative that I make him understand that I really was attracted to him, and Ididwant to kiss him. I wanted to do anything he’d let me.
“I didn’t mean it as a no,” I said. “I’m sorry you thought that. I just wasn’t expecting it, and I assumed you didn’t know what you wanted because you were upset from… from a nightmare?” I waited for his nod of confirmation. “Which is bullshit, obviously, because it feels like you still want to do it.”
Cash snorted, but he shot me a tiny, hopeful half smile that was a little wobbly around the edges. “Yeah,” he said.
The tightness in my chest eased, and I grinned back. “If you want, you can try kissing me again, and I’ll try not to fuck up this time.”
That earned me a proper smile and a whispered, “I want to. With you.”
He didn’t specify exactly what he wanted. Maybe he didn’t know. But whatever it was, I was on board. I nodded. “Yeah. We can do that.”
Cash spun his mug around between his palms one last time, then got up and approached my side of the table. He stood there awkwardly as I shuffled my chair back from the table, leaving a space for whatever he wanted to do. He flashed me a grin that was part nerves, part sass and straddled my lap. He was warm and close, his weight anchoring me wholly in this moment. His dark gaze held mine, and it felt profound because Cash so often didn’t look at me, or at anyone.
