“No?”
“No. I mean, there was a blip before that where he met up with his dad for dinner and got kinda weird after, but then he spent the night likethat night.”
“You said his family is unsupportive? Maybe staying the night was his 'fuck you' to his dad?”
Oh. I hadn't thought of that.
“I...maybe. I dunno.”
“I guess you'll know next time you see him? If he cools off, he's reconsidering, but if he's still hot and heavy, maybe he's really thinking of something more with you.”
I’m surprised to hear Avery open to that possibility.
“And you’re…okay with that?”
He sighs deeply.
“I mean…it’s not really my choice to make, I guess? Do I really think a closeted guy is right for you? No. I don’t. You’ve put up with too much shit coming out to walk yourself right back into the closet. I think right now you might be…overlooking that, a bit? You’re so glad to be getting laid and having your privacy respected that you’re not looking at the future.”
My breath catches in my throat, recognizing the truth in his words.
“But, dude, there’s gonna come a day where you want to just grab dinner together or go for a walk or whatever it is that boyfriends do. And if he’s committed to staying in the closet, that’s just…not gonna happen, you know?”
I know this. I do. So why does it hurt to hear Avery say it?
“Yeah. You’ve got a point. I think it’s not such a big deal during the season because I’m already so busy all the time. Thelastthing I want to do with a day off is go out. But you’re right. The day will probably come.”
Avery takes his time responding.
“Well. As long as you know that, then I think it’s okay if you…explore it being something more. Maybe he’s never really had a reason to come out, and this will move him forward. But, like, take care of yourself?”
It isn’t until Avery says the words that I realize that’s what I’ve been starting to hope for. That Ethan will see what we could be…and decide it’s worth it?Shit. That’s hardly fair to him. Hehashis reasons, Iknowhe does. And it wouldn’t be fair for me to pressure him to reconsider.
“I think I’m going to enjoy what we have while we have it. I’ll wait until after the playoffs to worry about anything else.”
There. That’s the low-pressure, low-commitment approach I need.
The next day,Alexei reminds us of his Christmas Eve party that night. Ever since his announcement on the bus, I’ve been looking forward to seeing what he’ll put together.
On my way out of the practice facility, I hear Ethan shout, trying to catch my attention. In spite of the fact that we’re both in town for this short break, I’ve very deliberately avoided trying to make any plans with him, keeping Avery’s warning in mind.
Apparently, he didn’t get the warning.
“You’re going to Alexei’s, yeah? Do you want a ride?”
I try to think of what to say. I mean,yeah. I want a ride. Maybe a couple different kinds of rides. But I’m also surprised to find that Ethan is still interested, or at least not disinterested, in my company.
“Um, that would be nice. But I know Lindy and Astrid could take me if you’d rather…not.”
There. I’ve given him an easy out.
“No way. And I was thinking…”
Here, he seems to lose his confidence for a bit, looking around the parking lot to see who else might be there. Fortunately for him, it’s empty.
“…do you maybe want to bring some clothes? Maybe stay at my place over the break?“
This is more surprising to me. I try to focus on the hesitance in his voice, the concern for being overheard.
