That’s the last thing I hear before the door shuts between us.
Five
There’s a sea of students when I step out of the elevator.Classes must have ended, because I’m bumping shoulders on my way out. I can’t remember which way I’m going. There are too many thoughts running through my head. As I’m pulling my phone out, I spot someone through the crowd, making my heart drop.
But it couldn’t be him.
“Daniel?”
I catch a glimpse of his red sweatshirt, the back of his head. There are too many people walking between us. I move toward him, pushing through everyone in front of me. My heart is racing as I get closer.Please let it be you.But the moment I break through the crowd, I realize it’s someone else.
What’s wrong with me?Of course it’s not Daniel.
Haru turns around instead.
“There you are,” he says, hands in his pockets. A breeze ruffles his long hair.
We stare at each other as the crowd moves around us. For a second, I’m relieved to see him again. I take a step back, reminding myself this isn’t real. That he’s only going to disappear on me. But I’m not sure how to wake up from this. Itfeels like I’m losing my grip on reality. I turn around, heading off in the other direction.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
I don’t answer him. I cut through the crowd as Haru follows behind. The student fair is still taking place on the quad. But the tables handing out prizes don’t remind me of the festival this time. The magic has vanished now that I know this is all in my head. Haru walks beside me, glancing at one of the games.But why does he feel so real, then?I shake the thought away and keep on walking.
A moment later, we reach the train station. As we’re waiting on the platform, Haru turns to me and says, “So what’s the first stop on this tour?”
I say nothing.
“Is it a surprise?”
“I’m going home,” I say.
“You’re not showing me around?”
“I can’t anymore.”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t.”
Haru stares at me, maybe waiting for an explanation. But I don’t even turn my head to look at him. Then he folds his arms and says, “Alright then. Maybe I’ll give myself a tour.”
“Maybe you should.”
For a second, I almost take this back. But the platform begins to rattle beneath us.He isn’t really there,I remind myself. Because a part of me wants to stay with him. But I haveenough problems in my life to deal with. As the train roars into the platform, I turn to Haru one last time. In case I never see him again.
“You don’t know how happy I was to find you again,” I tell him, the train doors opening behind me. “I really wanted this to be real. But you’re not him.” I stand there a moment longer. “I still don’t know why I can see you, but this isn’t what I wanted.”
Haru looks at me. “What do you want?”
“Not this.”
I step inside the train. As the doors close behind me, I turn around and see Haru looking back at me through the glass. My mind goes to last summer, right before the paper slipped out of our hands and we lost each other. Then the train starts moving, leaving him standing there on the platform. But I don’t watch him disappear this time. I just take an empty seat and pretend none of this ever happened.
The house is empty when I get home.Mom and Dad are working late tonight, so it’s only me again. Dad is a mechanic at an auto body shop and Mom manages a convenience store on the same block. It makes it easy for them to commute together. I stand at the doorway, taking in the familiar silence. Strangely, I thought it would be more comforting. At least everything seems normal again. I grab a glass of water and head to the living room.
Usually, I leave the television on in the background. But I just sit on the couch and stare at my phone. No missedcalls or new messages. Not that I’m expecting to hear from anyone. I think about texting Jasmine and telling her what happened. But how would I even begin to say it? Maybe it’s better to keep this one to myself for now.
I keep glancing at the front door in case Haru followed me home. But the hours pass with no sign of him. I take a shower and sit around until my parents come home, offering to help bring in the groceries. Mom makes stir-fry and bitter melon for dinner. I take a plate back to my room where I stay for the rest of the night.
