When I wake up in the morning, no one is there beside me. I stare at the empty side of the bed for a while. Eventually, I get up to check around the house. There’s no sign of him. I make a bowl of cereal and eat in my room. The day goes by slowly. I play a movie in the background while I work on college applications. As I’m looking up that film scholarship, I remember the lie I told Jasmine. She thinks I made it to the next round, meaning I have to apply, even though I haven’t touched my camera in several months. I spend the afternoon trying to come up with some ideas.
My parents bring home Chinese food for dinner. I have beef and broccoli with sweet-and-sour soup. Then I join Dad in the living room to watch the news together. Haru doesn’t show up tonight, either. I don’t know why I keep expecting him to. Maybe this was all in my head. Maybe he was never really there. Then why can’t I stop thinking about him?
The days repeat themselves. I lounge around the house, applying to jobs while something plays in the background.Time passes without me noticing. I wash the dishes, take out the garbage, play around on my phone. My parents have been working late all week. I make some instant ramen with an egg and bring it to the living room. There’s a romance movie marathon on some random channel.The Notebookis playing. I’ve watched it a hundred times, but I leave it on anyway. It’s the scene where they’re shouting in the rain, just before he pulls her in for a long, passionate kiss.
I turn off the television and stare out the window. It’s raining hard outside again. The wind blows against the glass. For some reason, I can’t get him out of my head. Haru. I wonder if he’s somewhere out there. I imagine him walking around, shivering in the cold. It’s been a few days since I left him at the train station.It wasn’t real,I keep repeating. I push the images away and return to my room. There’s still some clothes that need to be washed. As I lift my pants from the floor, something falls out of the pocket.
The paper star Haru made me. I pick it up from the floor to examine it. It’s a little bent from being inside my pocket. I stare at it for a moment. If I completely imagined him, what is this doing here? And why does it feel real in my hand? A thought slowly occurs to me. If this hasn’t disappeared yet, does that mean that Haru is still out there?
I can’t believe I left him at the train station. Especially after I promised to show him around. Maybe it was all in my head. But if I’m being honest, it was nice having someone to keep me company. It’s better than sitting home alone all daylong. Who cares if no one else can see him? Because I still could.
The next thing I know, I’m grabbing an umbrella and racing out the door. Rain splashes under my shoes as I head to the train station. I don’t even know where to start looking. All I know is I have to find him again. I hop onto the Yellow Line, making my way toward the Loop. Haru must be somewhere in the city. Every time the doors open, I hope it’s him who wanders inside.
I reach Grand Street, where we last saw each other. Even though it’s a long shot, I walk around the platform, looking everywhere for him. Of course he isn’t here anymore. But I’m not really sure where to go next. There are eight different lines that run through Chicago, with more than a hundred stops, and he could be anywhere by now. Another train approaches the platform. I head through the doors and continue looking. If I wander around long enough, maybe we’ll run into each other. I move between train cars and transfer lines, scanning every platform for him. But hours go by and I haven’t found him.
As I’m waiting for the next stop a terrible thought hits me. What if Haru is really gone? Does that mean I’ll never see him again? A chill goes through me as I think back to the last time we saw each other. I wish I could take back the things I said. As the last few days replay in my mind, I remember something else. When we were on the train together, Haru kept staring out the window. Wasn’t he looking forsomething? He even asked if I could take him there. The moment it hits me, I jump to my feet.Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
The second the doors open, I rush onto the platform and switch lines again. It’s still pouring when the train drops me off at Lake Street. I hold the umbrella over my head and cross the street toward Millennium Park. The staircase is carved from stone, manicured hedges glistening on both sides like the gardens of a palace. The park is usually crowded with tourists throughout the day. But the rain seems to have cleared the entire promenade.
As I reach the top of the steps, the steel curves of the Bean rise into view. The sculpture reflects the city back like those funhouse mirrors. It looks strange without a hundred people circling around, taking photos beneath the arch. There’s something dystopian about it, standing in the emptiness of the park, the rain washing over the steel body. I shiver a little as I take a look around. The Bean was the place he wanted to see most. Maybe he’s here somewhere. I wander around the park, calling his name.
“Haru? Are you out here?”
It’s only my voice that echoes back. I keep walking around, hoping we find each other. But it’s only me out here. Maybe this means he’s really gone. I never got the chance to tell him I’m sorry. A wave of sadness washes over me as the rain continues to pour. I wish I had one more chance to fix things. But I guess it’s too late.
And then I see something in the distance. Someone is sitting on the other side of the park. I didn’t notice them before. I’m about to walk off when I realize it’s him.
“Haru?”
He’s sitting alone on a bench, illuminated by the lamplight. A single tree branch from above barely covers him from the rain. His clothes are drenched, long hair slick against his skin. How long has he been sitting out here? I take a moment before making my way over. Then I hold the umbrella above his head. But Haru doesn’t bother to look up.
“Hey,” I say. “What are you doing out here?”
Haru says nothing.
“I was looking everywhere for you.”
Not a word.
“Are you mad at me?”
Haru looks the other way.
I let out a breath, keeping the umbrella over him. “I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have left you like that. I feel really bad about it.” But Haru still won’t look at me. “I really want to make it up to you. I can show you around Chicago like I promised. We can even grab dinner or something. Anything you want, okay?”
Haru turns his head slowly. There’s a long silence before he finally opens his mouth to speak.
“Deep… dish?”
Lou Malnati’s is the best pizza chainin the city. Anyone who says otherwise probably doesn’t live here. It’s the first place I think of when someone wants to get Chicago-style pizza.There are only a few locations, but it’s always worth a train ride. Haru and I are seated at a booth in the back of the restaurant. The place is half filled with college students, pouring beer from plastic pitchers.
The two of us are soaked from the rain. Haru runs a hand through his wet hair. His skin is dewy in the fluorescent light. He’s quieter than usual, making me think he’s still mad at me. I hand him the menu and say, “This is one of my favorite places for pizza. There’s a lot to choose from.” Daniel and I used to come here all the time. We always split the Chicago Classic and a side of curly fries.
Haru glances at the menu. “It’s all deep dish?”
“Yeah, it’s what they’re known for.”
“What do you recommend?”
