“Oh, that.” His expression cleared as he blocked another attack. “It’s not as bad?—”
“And now you’re lying to me.”
I attacked him again, and before I could even touch him, he pulled a move. I had no idea what he did or how it happened, but I took a small amount of pleasure in the fact that even though my sword went flying, I was able to use my mind channel enough to cause his to soar from his hands and land on the opposite side as mine. I rushed him, going low and attempting to ram him around the middle. Cormac had taught me a few moves for taking out someone taller, bigger, and stronger than me when it came to hand-to-hand, and I tried all of them, to limited success. He blocked me each time but never returned the attack.
“Fight me, damn you!” I cried, throwing an admittedly wild punch.
“I’m trying to keep you from hurting yourself,” he bit out in return, catching the punch and blocking my other hand.
“Stop fucking protecting me from everything! And stop lying to me!”
“It is my job to protect you. I’m oath-bound to do so. And whatwould you have me say?” His voice was still calm, controlled, but edged with frustration, while he held me off.
I kicked a leg out, attempting to swipe his legs out from under him, only managing to make myself stumble. “I would have you tell me the truth! Don’t fucking coddle me and keep me in the dark, Griff! I’m a big girl, I can handle it.” I tried to kick him again.
“You think I like keeping things from you? You think this is easy?” He caught my leg and sent me crashing downward, his weight bearing down on me until I was pinned beneath him.
“I need you to trust me, Griff!” I shouted up at him, his face inches from mine.
“Trust?” The control he worked so carefully for shattered as he pinned my wrists to the mat with his powerful hands. “You think this is about trust? People die out there, Lexa. Every day. Families are broken apart. Lives are destroyed. You got barely a taste of it when we were in Terraleth with the dorchas. When I’m out there, faced with that devastation, the only thing that gets me through is knowing the reason I’m there. And that reason is protecting this realm. And every time I go out there…” His voice broke, the look on his face raw. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you about thenear misses? The times the darkness surrounded me, blinded me, hufen everywhere, trying to—” He cut himself off at my stricken expression.
The practice yard had gone deadly quiet, potentially a long time ago. I could hear my own heartbeat thudding in my ears.
“Griff…” I laid there, staring up at him, feeling the weight of his body over me, completely lost for words.
“Forget I said anything.” The mask returned and he started to roll away.
“No.” I caught his arm, his muscles tensing as I gripped his bicep. “Don’t you dare shut me out again.”
He stared down at my hand on his arm, his eyes dark. “Princess…”
“I mean it, Champion. I can’t keep wondering if you’re dead or alive. Or when you’ll be gone.”
“Why? Why does it matter? Why are you so upset?” There was weight behind his words, as if he was holding his breath, waiting for my answer.
That question made me pause. WhywasI so upset? That golden place inside me trembled with emotion, fueling the worry.
He sat up, pulling me into a seated position with him. He hooked an arm around his knee, waiting.
I crossed my legs, resting my hands in my lap. “You’re my…” I struggled for the right word.Friendfelt too small, too safe for whatever this was, but I couldn’t come up with anything better so that’s what I said.
A flash of something flickered through his eyes so quickly I may have imagined it. Disappointment? “Friend,” he echoed flatly.
“I just… don’t want you hurt,” I finished, the words coming out smaller than I intended.
The silence stretched between us, heavy with everything we had left unsaid. And the way he had been looking at me… like I held his whole world in my hands…
“I do apologize that you feel I abandoned you.” Sincerity rang through his voice. “That was not my intention, I swear. I thought Finn would keep you occupied. But anytime you need me, I will be there. I promise.” There was a depth of meaning in that statement. He gave a dark look to the remaining bystanders watching us with interest and they scattered.
“There were reports of a hole in the Veil in Norethgale. I went to sort it out,” he said quietly. “The Veil will eventually heal itself. How long it takes depends on how big the repair is, but until that happens, all manner of chaos can take place. Hufen. The dorchas. Destruction. Deaths. It requires someone to deal with it.”
I blinked in surprise. The anger, which had already begun to fade away, disappeared entirely. “You actually told me.”
He gave me a long look. “Despite what you may think about me, it was never my intention to keep secrets from you.”
I sighed. I did know that. At least in my rational moments. “In my defense, no one tells me anything here. And when I asked where you went, they wouldn’t tell me.”
“Asking about me, were you? I knew you missed me.” He had such a smug look on his face that I couldn’t help myself. I flung my arm out and struck his chest.
