But I couldn’t move on. My hands trembled at the memory of what had happened at Cillian’s hands. What could be more pressing than someone who tried to kill me now being free?
I hadn’t thought I truly hated my grandfather, but in that moment, I did. Was he really this oblivious or was there a stronger motivation in place?
The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as a terrible thought solidified: What if my grandfather never intended for me to survive here at all?
Chapter
Twelve
There’s something to be said for the release that comes from having a blade in your hand and facing a worthy opponent. Victory never tastes sweeter than when you face off against someone more skilled than you and win. I wonder what a real battle is like. Looks like I might find out sooner rather than later.
— From the journal of Violet Andrever
Having been significantly shaken during the council meeting, for the next several days, I stuck close to the training yard. Beyond being the princess, I had made enough friends with the soldiers that I felt I could trust them, and that they’d defend me if need be. They had adopted me, offering advice and encouragement—especially when Kaia was feeling particularly difficult.
On day seven of Griff being gone, and having been plagued by nightmares of Cillian the night before and jumping at every sound, I looked forward to burning off some of the doubt and panic. A sword in my hand, a person to spar against—those were physical actions I could take, literally wrap my hands around.
Everyone was busy, so I grabbed a practice sword and began taking my energy out on a practice dummy, scattering straw aroundits base with my frustrated strikes. I lacked finesse, just slashing away with my entire being. Each strike was against a different person. Cillian. Zachariah. The council members who’d laughed at me. Even Griff. My arms, shoulders, and back began to tire, but the feelings were still churning madly inside me. I ignored my body’s protests as I increased my attack, frantic to release my spinning emotions and bring some clarity to my life.
I had been at it for some time when I felt someone watching me. Self-conscious of my soldiers’ opinions of me, I pulled the intensity of my strikes to become more precise. I really shouldn’t give my soldiers the impression I couldn’t control my anger.
I still felt eyes on me as the wind kicked up and blew some of the scattered straw into my face, where it stuck to the sweat that covered my brow. Panting, I stopped my assault on the poor practice dummy, scrubbing a wrist over my forehead. Those eyes were burning a hole in my back, and I whirled around to scream at whoever had decided to watch me so intently.
The words died on my tongue and all sounds of practice faded around me as I saw him leaning against a wall, the sun shining down on him, making him appear as if he was glowing.
Griff was back.
His normally sandy hair was blonder in this light, the scruff covering the bottom half of his face longer than I’d seen before. As he pushed off the wall and headed directly toward me, I couldn’t stop myself from looking him over, wondering if he’d had one of thosenear misseswhile he was gone. I didn’t see any signs of injury, but I thought back to those times he had seemed tired or I had caught a wince.
I hadn’t seen him since he had found me with the attacker. I refused to label what happened as Griff rescuing me. Then he’d left, without a word to me. And suddenly, I was angry again. Furious.
“Hi, Princess,” he said when he got within a few feet of me. His deep voice was edged with some emotion I couldn’t place.
“Don’t ‘hi, Princess’ me,” I shot back at him, practice swordalready in motion toward his head as if it had a mind of its own, but he blocked it with his forearm, as easily as swatting a fly.
I knew how much strength I had hit him with. How had that not broken his arm?
He wore a wary expression, his hand reaching back without looking to grab his own practice sword to block my next blow. “Have I done something to offend?—”
“Offend? No, of course not. You just disappeared without a word to me, after I was attacked. And then you were gone for over a week.”
I probably looked like a crazy woman, sweat dripping down my bright-red face, braid still covered in straw, spewing words at him with a vehemence in my voice that matched the anger of my attack. The ferocity of my anger caught him off guard. Hell, it surprised me too.
“I didn’t realize you required my presence. Apologies, Princess,” he said as he blocked my strikes, mask firmly in place, but his eyes flashed as he said my nickname.
I let out a primal groan of rage and attacked him again. “No, you just show up whenever I need saving and then disappear again without saying a word! ‘Just practice your powers, Lexa. Just train with the sword, Lexa,’” I parroted the various people who now controlled my life, punctuating each of them with a jab with my sword. “And who are you to decide if I need you here or not? Maybe I could have used a friend! Maybe I wanted to see you after that!”
He stayed on the defense while he watched me warily, as if I might explode at any time. He wasn’t wrong. “I told you I have duties to attend to,” he said hesitantly, as though he wasn’t sure what was going to cause the explosion. That made two of us.
“Duties. Right. Those same duties that everyone knows about but me? The ones that apparently involve you nearly gettingkilled?” I hissed, lunging forward.
He paused momentarily, which I used to my advantage as I spun in and attempted to smack him on the shoulder with my sword. Atthe last possible second, he knocked my sword away again, before it could touch him.
We had an audience now, watching the princess take on her Champion. They were taking bets, both in terms of who would win and what the argument was about, but I didn’t care. I spun forward with a flurry of blows. Taking him on while I was exhausted and he was as fresh as a daisy was potentially suicidal, but I was too far gone in anger to care about that either.
He raised an eyebrow, easily blocking my attack. “What are you talking about?”
“You never told me how dangerous it was every time you left on one of your ‘duties.’ I had to find out from Zachariah that you’ve had severalnear misses.”
