Maybe my family would see reason if I approached this with logic. Operations would have me traveling more often than I’d be on the island anyway, it was a recipe for marital trouble if I wed someone stuck on the mainland.
Even if they didn’t accept that reality, Jessarian and I were like two puzzle pieces that never quite fit. He was refined and polished, and I climbed trees and cliffs in clothes fit for a ragamuffin. Mischief and I were old friends, and Jessarian didn’t even swear. We didn’t share any hobbies, interests, or values. Being around him was emotionally draining. He’d never shown me the slightest bit of genuine interest, much less empathy. I wasn’t sure he was even capable of it, we were so fundamentally different.
He might be traditionally attractive, but seeing him didn’t make my heart race, and his polite chatter made my teeth hurt. My brain took a detour to Zevrial’s kiss and I flushed.
What it boiled down to was that there was no world where it made sense for me to marry Jessarian. Or where I would.
I had strength and survival skills now. The tarnished reputation of my family was an issue of their own making, and I wouldn’t let them sacrifice me as their solution. Again. I’d climb or dig my way out of any chapel on Mesmoria.
Vulnerability left me wanting to leave this message for Mama or Nessa, but they weren’t the one dead set on thiswedding. This would have consequences, but there was no telling what they’d be.
Picking up the mirror, I thought of my father and tapped the surface twice.
“Hey Papa. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I need you to hear it anyway. I won’t be marrying Jessarian after graduation. Please cancel whatever arrangements have been made, and let his family know. It’s my decision and I won’t spend my life tied to someone I don’t love. This has nothing to do with Jessarian, our family, or the deal you made with his father. I just can’t go through with marrying him.
“I’ll be gone on operations constantly once I graduate. I know you think I’m being selfish, but I will provide whatever I can for you and Mama to make up for the loss of the bridewealth. But I can’t marry him. I won’t.
“The final exam is today, and I’ll get through it, no matter what. I hope that in time you’ll understand my decision not to spend my life with Jessarian. The Tide of my life is just too important, and your vision of that Tide is…too different from mine. I’ll return the engagement ring the next time I see you. I love you, Mama, and Nessa very much.”
I tapped the mirror twice, wiping at my face with my sleeve before tears broke loose.
Getting the words out had been like talking through gluey paste. Something bulky had lifted off my shoulders with this message though. My emotions were muddy, but I’d sharpened mentally.
Tucking the mirror back into my nightstand, I caught my own reflection on its surface.
My eyes were fierce with determination.
Chapter 29
Surprise tastes Sour
Breakfast was heavier than usual ahead of our final. This time, they had given us some delicious maple toast with seasoned potatoes, easily the tastiest thing they’d served us since we’d been at the outpost. It almost felt like an early graduation celebration, but I wasn’t going to complain. I rubbed my satiated belly. Right now, I was 99% food, and only 1% human.
“The final will test everything you’ve learned,” Instructor Garcien gestured to a map she’d pulled out. “Your score will depend on your speed and skill. Top scorers will receive the strongest Skinscripts. You must complete the objective before sundown to pass. Those that do not will fail.” She pointed to Lake Mirae. “Your goal is to reach the center of Lake Mirae before then. The exam starts as soon as the gate opens.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. This was too easy, sundown was more than a dozen hours away, and Lake Mirae was only three hours away on foot. Something wasn’t adding up. Tilting my face up, I searched the sky.
It was still the wet season, and charcoal clouds cloaked the sky. Any rain today wouldn’t be until this afternoon. It was already cold, and foresight had me wearing the scarf Mama had made just in case it got colder.
Pulling a loose hair off my braid, I lazily held it up to check the wind’s direction while Instructor Garcien continued. Beside me, Sarina leaned against me, watching the hair too.
“Northwest” she murmured with a yawn. I nodded my agreement, yawning as well, hers was contagious. You’d think after several months at the outpost I would have adjusted to the early lesson hours, but I was still groggy.
“The final exam claims more lives each year than any other test, so proceed with caution. Remember, the goal is simply to reach the center of Lake Mirae. There, Instructor Penbrook will heal any injuries you may have received during the final.”
I smothered another yawn, eyes heavy. This was important, I needed to pay attention, but I could barely stay awake. Beside me, Sarina’s head was heavy on my shoulder. What type of injuries did they expect us to get from getting to Lake Mirae? It wasn’t exactly a dangerous route.
“Lake Mirae is at the base of–”
Someone a row in front of me tipped sideways, unconscious. Instructor Garcien kept talking, appearing not to notice. That wasn’t right. Something was off.
My own head’s weight was substantial, more than normal. Why was I so tired? Sarina let out a small snore on my shoulder.
My plate gleamed in front of me, residue of sticky syrup still coating the edges where ants gathered. Three others clumsily teetered into the ground, as graceful as rolling rocks. They’d drugged us.
I clung to that thought, tried to rally enough strength to stay awake. Concentrating was impossible though, blackness edged out the outer peripheral of my vision and my thoughts drifted away like leaves on a lake.
Staying awake felt like trying to swim through molasses uphill.
