A couple is holding hands. One very tall boy launches himself onto the shoulders of another boy with an Afro, and they stumble down the front stairs, struggling to stayupright.Everyone around them laughs or bolts out of theway.
As kids flood out of the doors, my heart is beating, beating, pounding so hard that I stop being able to hear them.
Then I see him.
Not Zach, but his best friend, Raj. The one with the glasses and the serious expression from the article. The one who looked like there was so much he wanted to say in the theater that day.Thatwas the expression on his face, I realizenow.
Raj walks down the stairs, and holding my breath, I scan the crowd around him for Zach but don’t find him. No red hair. No tall, thin guy. No hundred-watt smile. Raj has paused now, looking around, probably for his ride. His eyes skitter over the tree I’m still under, then around again, like he can’t find who he’s looking for.
Zach?
Raj gives no indication that he recognizes me. Maybe he can’t see my face this far away.
Raj pulls out his phone, and his fingers move a mile a minute. Then he sticks his phone back into his pocket and keeps waiting, no longer looking around.
I’m about to venture out of my hiding place, to brave walking up to him and asking if he knows where Zach Laird is. I don’t know how Raj will react. He obviously recognized me that day, so we know each other. But could he know about Overton? Did he tell Zach he saw me? Have we run into each other before? And what do they think happened to me—why do they think I didn’t recognize him?
I take a deep breath and decide to approach Raj.
But before I can take my first step, I see him.
Zach.
He’s walking through the doorway, staring down at his phone. He walks until he meets Raj. They talk for a second, then start walking again.
They have to be able to hear my heart from here.
I watch them as they cross the parking lot, watch until Zach throws Raj a set of keys and gets into the passenger seat of a bright blue car that makes a loud wailing noise when they start it.
I let out a small noise as I watch them drive off, because I feel this tightness in my chest, this pain that I can’t explain. I want them to hear me or see me orknowme.
I want to know them.
I did know them once.
I keep staring at the spot where the car was.
I wonder when Zach cut off all his hair.
BEFORE
Early November
The day after Halloween, I go over to Zach’s house at his mother’s request to help finish the leftover candy before it settles on her hips. Her exact words, as transmitted by Zach. I’m spending the weekend at my dad’s, but since he’s catching up on sleep and things are as uncomfortable as ever between us, I’m happy to oblige.
“Lookin’ fine!” Kevin purrs after he swings the front door open for me.
“Hey, Kevin,” I say.
“Maybe you could get your own girlfriend?” Zach suggests, turning up behind him and ruffling his brother’s hair. “Cassie Swinton keeps giving you the eye.”
“Ew.” Kevin frowns. And I laugh, surprised by his reaction.
“He onlythinkshe’s a ladies’ man,” Zach explains. I lean in to kiss him.
“Well, well, well,” someone bellows. We break apart, and standing behind Zach is his older brother Rob. He’s eyeing us and carrying a plate that is, quite literally, heaped with food. “What do we have here?”
He is surprisingly less wooden in person than on camera.
