“You can’t outrun your past.”
Everything is so far away.
“It will follow you wherever you go. No matter how many personalities you create, your past stays with you until you confront it and make peace with it.”
My head twitches as memories flash through my mind.
Memories, I vanished deep within me.
Pain surges through my head, and I press my palms against my temples.
I can’t focus anymore.
Air is getting scarce.
I need to get away, but I can’t run.
I sink to my knees.
There is so much pain I want to scream.
And then there is her face in front of me.
She grasps my face.
“Slow and steady breaths,” she says. “Follow my lead.”
And she breathes in deep through the nose, out through the mouth.
“In,” she says with the next inhale. “And out.”
I do as she says.
“In. And out.”
I close my eyes, focusing on her words. The sound of her voice and breaths guiding me. My skin tingles, but her touch calms me.
“In. And out.”
“In. And out.”
“In. And out.”
Finally, my breathing calms. A shudder runs through my entire body.
I have to cry. I haven’t cried much over the years, and right now, all those years are catching up with me.
I cry for all the years I have lost.
For all the times I had to put myself behind other people’s orders.
For all I had to become what I was not.
“Say it out loud,” she says.
I look at her with my blurry vision and burning eyes.
“Say it,” she says again, still grasping my face.
