Her chest heaves up and down as she just lets me. The way she feels underneath my finger, the way she gets under my skin—I don’t ever want to stop.
I want to consume her, become one with her, taste her, feel all of her.
I let go of her arm and cup her face with both hands, as our kiss becomes wild. I need more—more. So much more.
But I can’t. I shouldn’t.
I stop the kiss and rest my forehead against hers as I stare into her eyes.
“You should stay away from me,” I whisper. “I’m a mess who doesn’t know who she is, and I will hurt you. I don’t want to, but I will.”
With that, I let go of her. I have to leave. But she doesn’t let me and leans against the door, so I can’t open it.
“What happened to you?” she asks.
I scoff in desparation.
All those questions I have no answer to.
“I can’t,” I say, looking away.
“Why not? You cannot run away your entire life. You say you don’t know who you are. Well, you will never know when you keep lying to yourself. And others.”
I bark out a laugh and shake my head in disbelief.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I round on her. “Believe me, I do. But there are things that you don’t know, things?—“
I break off. I have already said too much. Anger stirs in me.
Anger about being seen. Anger about El convincing me to come here. Anger about my entire life. My father and the pieces he left me in. The lost moments. The pressure. Everything.
“What is your real name?” she asks me. “Because you are not Amelie.”
My eyes snap into hers, as my breathing flattens and my heart beats against my chest.
“What happened to you?” she asks again. “Was it your father? Yes, it was. I can see it in your eyes. You are hiding your past, your guilt. There is so much guilt in you. Guilt and blame.”
Guilt and blame.
She sees me.
She sees everything.
I am sucked back into my childhood. Back to when my family was normal and untainted, and my brother was still alive.
I can’t go back there.
I can’t.
I can’t go back to the pain of what I did?—
I buried it, and it can’t resurface.
I stumble back.
Away from her.
But she follows me.
