Violated—
She looks at me.
Challengingly.
Almost gleeful.
“You should take your own advice sometimes,” she says with a smirk on her face, and I am rendered entirely speechless.
While I just stand there, trying to scramble my thoughts, she places something on the surface beside me, but I don’t even register it. The only thing I process is her scent before she walks away. I stare after her until the lab door closes with its mechanical sound and soft hydraulic hiss.
I just stare at it, before my eyes fall onto my T. rex arms with my clenched fists. From there, they wander to the surface next to me.
A folder on it.
The folder I gave her.
I open it and find the signed NDA in it.
A laugh escapes me as I shake my head in disbelief at her skill.
9
AMELIE
PLAYLIST: HEAVENS SIRENS — DAVID KUSHNER
My feet follow no direction through the concrete jungle. It’s the nightly rush hour, with endless lights illuminating the otherwise grey streets, transforming them into an ocean of red and yellow.
The skyscrapers left and right make me feel claustrophobic, as if they’re closing in on what I already feel.
I don’t know what I am doing. Why did I wait? Why did I sign? Why did I kiss her?
I kissed her. My professor. Who knows nothing and yet everything about me.
I don’t rumble, don’t overthink. But since her, I do. Since her and El.
El.
How can I eat pussy and kiss another woman in one day?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I thought I felt lost all those years in London, but now, I feel even more lost. Lost between two roles I took on, while all I wanted was to be me.
Jane was right. I can’t hold the feeling of discomfort.
I have to run, far away, and burn down the world behind me. Just like I did when I left London and Sophie behind. And now, I maneuvered myself into something I won’t get out of without hurting myself and everyone involved.
I walk up the stairs to the Highline.
El said she doesn’t care who I hook up with,says a voice within me.
But I care.
I care too much.
About El.
