“Out through your mouth.”
I don’t know how long we’ve been breathing, but it feels like hours.
At some point, she stops saying the words, and we just breathe together.
I look at her with unfocused eyes.
I can’t see her.
I don’t want to see her.
I want to hide.
She should have run after everything I have done.
How can I ever look her in the eyes?
I can’t.
Because I have failed everyone.
Everyone I ever met.
I failed my brother.
I failed my father.
I failed Sophie.
I failed El.
I failed Jane.
I failed myself.
It is what I do.
I fail everyone.
Leaving them with nothing but the mess I created.
“I’m such a mess,” I whisper out, and tears stream down my cheeks.
“No,” she says, straightens up, and pulls me into her. “You are just a girl trying her best to survive in circumstances she couldn’t do anything about.”
“It’s all my fault,” I say as I listen to her heartbeat with my ear on her chest.
“No,” she says.
“Yes,” I say, anger resurfacing as a tingling in my chest, and I push myself away from her touch. “It is all my fault. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Enlighten me then.”
I shake my head.
I can’t talk about it.
“I can’t,” I say.
