After everything I did?—
I can’t be here.
I need to be gone.
I need to be dead.
My vision blurs.
Everything is distorted.
I see my father leaning over me.
Shouting at me.
My head falls to the side.
My dead brother on the floor.
Me kneeling next to him as he wouldn’t wake up.
I can’t watch it.
I turn my head to the other side.
I see El lying next to me.
Just like we always lie in bed.
“I’m so sorry,”I whisper.
She just smiles at me.
My chest compresses.
I can’t feel all this.
I need to not feel.
I need to kill every emotion I have.
I need to get away.
Run away.
I need to?—
“I’m here,” she says. Jane. Squeezing my hand. “You will live, and we’ll get through this together.”
I don’t want to live.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t.
I open my mouth. I want to scream at her to leave.
“Shhhhh,” she says and brushes over my hair. “You are not alone.”
