Because Lachlan knows he’s going to die here, one way or the other.He’s known that for a long time.He just has to get everything set up first.
Sable Key has changed Lachlan in ways he doesn’t want to understand.He ignores what he can of wounds that fester in his own blood, much like he did when Alistair stabbed him.
Danya is right too.
He’s not doing well.
Most days, Lachlan operates with a very specific kind of tunnel vision.He can only focus on whatever he’s looking directly at.Sleep evades him, rest is unobtainable and he’s forgetting to eat.Sometimes, to soothe himself during hard nights, he fantasises about finding that boyBraydenwho tried to rape Jules.He lets the whole scene play out in his head, but it doesn’t really help.
Nothing does.Nothing can.Nothing will.
One unbearably restless night when the heat lingers past sundown, Lachlan goes out into the trees with Jules’ knife and sits by the lake.
He’s not in a good frame of mind which is why it’s best to be alone, but the knife feels like a friend and the moon above feels like a kind smile from a stranger, so Lachlan decides to put something in his skin.He carves anRinto his inner left wrist, neat and clear.It looks more like a rune when it’s done due to the lines.Lachlan kisses it and wills the grief to come out with the blood and the salt, but he knows it’s the kind that lives in his bones.
I was so brave, wasn’t I, Lock?
Mikhail Sorrenko was never going to shoot Jules.
Lachlan had noreasonto cover him.
He just couldn’t take even the slightest chance of Jules being hurt.
He should have covered Roman, who would still be alive today.
And Lachlan would probably be dead.
What does death feel like,he wonders.
For a man who has crafted it so often, he still can’t fathom how it feels beyond the instant blackening of awareness and a total, dreamless sleep.
Away.Nothing.Gone.
Lachlan Tanner sits on the shore of the lake, bleeding from his wrist and wishing an attack would come so he could sink his teeth into anyone who deserved it.Maybe he’ll hunt down Craig Fenwick, one of these days, because he went through the casualties manifest for Sable Key and he wasnotthere.
No funeral was held for Roman, nor Mikhail, nor Ariadne.Or if there was, no one from the Estate was required to attend and that’s probably for the best.
Maybe he should… see how it feels.
Lachlan removes his rig and jacket but keeps everything else on, boots too because they’ll pull him down.He stuffs stones from the shore into his pockets and then walks out into the lake, waves lapping gently.
How did it feel to justinstantlygive up the fight when the jaws of a greater monster took hold?Peaceful, Lachlan would bet.A relief.
The water goes past his knees, then his middle, then up to his neck when he walks further out.He can’t feel the cold, it’s all just warm,warm waters.
He wants the bite, he wants that shock of pain, he wants—
‘Bodyguard!’
Fuck.
‘I’m…’ Lachlan tries to think fast, seeking what, if anything, will get rid of Jules.‘I’m just swimming.’
‘No, you’re not!’Jules snaps loudly.‘Get back here right now.’
‘Yeah, I will,’ Lachlan says, walking further out.He’s so close to where it’ll pull him down.‘In a minute.’
‘No,now, Bodyguard.Now.’
