Amy deserves so much better. And she will get better. I’m going to make sure of it.
If she can’t rely on her parents, and her grandparents barely know her and treat her horribly, then who can she turn to? Whois her family? Just that one friend, with the potentially shady past?
I will find a way to silence my demons so I can be what she needs. I’ll be her family, even if no one else will be.
11
Amy
I’m laying on a big bed with Kerry on top of me. The purple sheets of the bed suit him, as he looks like a king over me and I’m his throne. His muscles tighten and contract with every roll of his hips, and the sounds he’s making aredelicious.Deep, guttural groans like he’s relishing the feel of my body. Like he’s been searching for heaven, and he’s found it inside of me. It makes me feel powerful, knowing that this wicked and dangerous man, who could get almost any woman he wanted, enjoys being withmemost of all. The way he looks down at me, his pupils blown wide, his face twisted with pleasure as his eyes are locked on mine, makes me feel wanted. Desired. Hell, evenneeded.
It’s addicting.
So when I wake up, my mouth dry and tangled in the hotel bed’s sheet, my pajamas soaked from my arousal, I sit up and swear.Thatwasn’t in my plan. But it seems my little meeting with him yesterday, as difficult as it was, sparked something primal in me. Something I don’t want to address quite yet. My monkey brain has apparently decided that itlikesthe danger of this man and finds it erotic. Which isdumb.Especially since I’m pretty sure this guy doesn’t plan for it to be a full marriage likethatand will probably have a ton of side chicks. I’m not sure he even reallylikedme after yesterday’s meeting with him.
There’s a loud pounding on my door first thing in the morning. Thankfully, I’m already awake, otherwise it would’ve scared the daylights out of me. I’m dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants because I’m not planning on going anywhere today. Nope.Nada. I feel exhausted after my ordeal yesterday and I need a break.
That, and I’m hiding fromhim.Yeah, I’m not ashamed to admit it. I need a break from this whole situation, which includes him. Not only am I being forced to marry him, he also scares me, and I need to feel safe, even if just for the day. Especially after that dream, which oddly made things worse for me. I’m not sure I’m safe from my own damn brain at this point.
Besides, what am I going to do? Go back downstairs to the boutiques and beg for them to give me attention and find something in my size, no matter what it is? Anything for a poor little street urchin like me? But don’t worry, my loaded grandparents are going to pay for it?
Yeah, right. I’d rather not.
So when I open the door to see my stern grandfather’s face glaring down at me, I’m already dreading whatever’s about to happen. But…I admit, part of me wondered if it’d behiminstead. And the disappointment I feel makes my stomach churn just a little.Why the hell am I disappointed?The mixed emotions arereal.
“We have a busy day ahead of us. Put a proper outfit on and come back out. I’ll be waiting down in the lobby. Don’t keep me waiting.” He doesn’t wait for me to reply, but instead marches off to the elevators.
I check my phone. I haven’t received any texts. There was no communication, no warning. Tension is already building at the base of my skull. I don’t know what we’ll be doing, and howhe’s demanding and controlling me is already stressing me out despite only talking to me for ten seconds. He said we have a ‘busy day ahead of us’. Does that mean I’ll be out with him all day?
That stresses me out even more.
But I dutifully change into jeans and a sweater. Thankfully I charged my phone overnight, so it’s full battery. Otherwise I’d bereallystressed without the ability to call for help if I need it. I feel frantic, struggling to go over everything I may need for an entire day out. But if I don’t know what we’ll be doing, then how can I plan for what I might need?
I’m hungry, as I hadn’t ordered room service yet, but I have no idea if we’re going to eat or not. I grab my wallet, ensuring I have my phone, and triple check that my room key is in my pocket. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
I can’t keep my grandfather waiting, or he’ll probably yell at me. My anxiety spikes at the thought, imagining him causing a scene with me in his anger. All my life, my grandfather seemed disinterested in me, but ever since this whole marriage thing it feels like heblamesme for what seems to be a mess he could have avoided. Isn’t he in charge here anyway? I’m nothing more than a scapegoat, aren’t I?
My thoughts keep me busy as I take the short elevator trip from my third-floor room to the main floor lobby.
I find him easily enough there sipping a coffee in a to-go cup. “Let’s go. I have a lot to get done today.” He walks quickly, and I have to power walk to keep up. I wonder if he’s trying to be difficult on purpose.
There’s a car waiting for us out front, and my grandfather gets in the front passenger seat, slamming the door behind him. I open the back with clammy hands, sliding in. The driver is a big man with scarring on his face and a bald head. His cheap cologne fills the car and I wrinkle my nose in disgust. As soonas I close the door behind me, the driver takes off, leaving me scrambling to get my seat belt on, even though the big man and my grandfather aren’t wearing them.
Right. Because why would they obey eventhatlaw? I roll my eyes. Seems like a stupid rule to break if you saw the devastation that not wearing one can cause. But hey, if we wreck, at least I know I’ll probably live.
Okay, maybe not with how this guy is driving. Holy smokes.
The car takes a jerky turn through the busy New York traffic. Other drivers in nearby cars honk at us. My grandfather talks in low tones to the driver. They’re discussing business stuff, nothing I can particularly understand. Nothing about me or thearrangement.
Until the driver speaks up in his gruff tone. “So, why do we have a shadow today?”I’m pretty sure he’s talking about me.
“Alasdair wants her acclimated to our world. Make sure her little bubble of shelter is popped. So she’s going to follow me today and get used to how things work around here.” My grandfather rubs a hand over his face. “No matter how irritating it is.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling a heavy feeling of shame in my chest. My own grandfather didn’t even want me around. It’s a painful revelation, even if I had pieced that together after a long time of his indifference towards me.
The big man chuckles. “Jesus. We’re about to go question a bunch of men and probably pop ‘em. That’s a lot for someone who isn’t used to things. You’re really throwing her in the deep end, aren’t you?”
I feel my entire body go cold. They’re doingwhat?With me in tow?No, no, no. I can’t see that. I don’t want to see that!
