Everyone was happy to see me the next morning. We made it an impromptu family day, all of us spending it together. Surrounded by them, by the ease of them, the comfort, I refilled my batteries.
I left before the sun rose on Sunday to make it to breakfast with Luke by nine. The whole trip, I wondered what he thought of our chance sighting, if he would break up with me first, realizing this couldn’t work. Then I fretted over what I would say.
The three hours passed in a blink, and before I was ready, I parked at the little bakery. Luke was already here. He got out of his Range Rover as my old Civic rattled a new and concerning sound when I shut it off.
“Hey.” Luke smiled, and I was as awestruck as ever at how handsome he was. His blue eyes seemed brighter today, his hair shinier. His smile lifted his entire expression and made him stand taller.
Or perhaps I was memorizing everything about him to take with me, to never forget.
“Good visit with your family?”
I nodded, then tilted my head to the bakery.
Luke cleared his throat and turned for the door.
This was awkward in ways it’d never been between us. Even from the first moment we met, something had sizzled in the air, something that brought us closer. Now, that something had evaporated, leaving us gasping on fumes. The tension was so uncomfortable, I wanted to run from it.
I picked over my food, unable to eat a bite. My stomach churned dangerously. If I made it through this without fighting, crying, or caving, I would have a new respect for myself.
Luke tried to engage me in conversation. When that failed, he apologized for that afternoon, the catalyst that burned my world to the ground, saying little more than “I’m sorry.”
I accepted it with a nod, but it changed nothing.
“Let’s go outside,” he finally said.
He knew.
Luke grabbed our coffees, mine untouched, and told our waitress we were moving to the patio, to the tables they kept there, even though everyone was inside due to the cold temperatures.
We resettled, and I didn’t wait any longer. “Luke, I’m sorry,” I said.
He nodded and glanced at his coffee.
“I don’t wanna do this.”
He snapped his gaze to mine with a flash of anger in it. “Then why are you?”
“You’re amazing. So amazing. Too amazing.”
“And that’s utter bullshit.” He gritted his teeth until his jaw muscles ticked wildly. “You don’t break up with someone because they’re amazing.”
“You’re wrong.” I firmed my own jaw and cursed the tears threatening to fall. “Youareamazing, and I won’t be the person who dims you, who drags you down.”
“What are you talking about? Christ, you sound like my mother right now. Did you speak to her?”
“What? No.”
Luke reached toward me, going for my hands in my lap, but stopped, threading his fingers around his coffee mug instead. “You’re everything to me, Asher. I don’t understand.”
I huffed and angrily swiped at the uncontrollable emotions leaking out of my eyes. “I had days to think about this, and I’m fuckin’ it up.”
“Days? So this is about what happened Thursday. Asher.” He sat forward. “I’m sorry, okay? I freaked from shock. I don’t know what else to say. I shouldn’t have ignored you. That was wrong of me.”
I shook my head. “And if you hadn’t ignored me? Would you’ve said hello? Would you’ve said nice to see me as if we were acquaintances?”
“I don’t—”
“Luke, I don’t want to cause you pain. I don’t want to cause you to doubt yourself or to shame you.”
