William came into my office fully. “You okay?”
I frowned, wondering how much he knew. No, that was delirium. He couldn’t know anything because I never told him anything, did I? I was a horrible friend who should confess and confide. Was this something I blurted or shared over a stiff drink? Was I making it more involved than it needed to be?
God, I was so messed up.
“Luke?”
I opened my eyes. When had I leaned onto my elbows, hands in my hair? After a deep, slow inhale and exhale that blew out my cheeks with the force of it, I said, “Yes,” but shook my head. “Busy week. I’ve got a meeting at five, so I’ll meet you there. You good with seven?”
Will snorted. “What are we? Eighty? Seven is early.”
“Right.” Jesus.
Everything spun. Right and wrong. Up and down. I doubted my own mind, my own heart, one moment, and then in the next, I was steadfast in telling my parents off once and for all. Asher would be proud of me. If I stood up to them, told them to fuck off, those exact words, he’d laugh and hug me. He’d tell me I’d done well.
But …
God, was this fear? Were these choices, these new paths in my future, from him or me? If Asher hadn’t come along, if we’d never met, if I’d never stepped away to the men’s room that night, would I be thinking of destroying all I’d known like this? Would I have the courage to burn it all down and rebuild?
When I took another breath and closed my eyes for a second, nerves vibrating beneath my skin, William spoke again.
“Sure you’re okay? You’re a little pale. That sweet, young thing running you ragged?” He smirked as if he wanted the details.
This was my opening, a second test since I’d bombed the first. This could be the trial run, to say the words, to fumble, and to correct. I unlocked my jaw, parted my lips, but choked, and nothing came out. I swallowed, tried again.
Nothing.
“Yes. I’m good.” I smiled, or at least, the muscles contracted, but it might have been a grimace.
“If you say so. I’m not going easy on your ass, just so you know. You fess up to being overworked, or it’s all out at the gym.”
“No, I’m good. Really. I need to go all out.” I needed to spend this restless energy, or whatever it was, so that I could sleep, so that I could hopefully sort through this tomorrow.
My last meeting of the day was at the client’s office two blocks down. I drove, too chilly outside to do otherwise. The man, a senior partner at a law firm, was a friend of my father’s, which reminded me that everyone knew my father. Everyone knew me as his son. A complete upheaval of my life would be risking these high-potential clients.
As always, I controlled the meeting, setting the pace and topics. The client agreed with everything, and we made plans for long-term investing to make him a few more million. The man wasn’t even that excited about it.
Was I so numb to it all too?
On the way out of his office, a few of the junior associates left as well. A group of us hitting the sidewalk like cover models in our tailored suits.
Before Asher, I never would’ve allowed myself the liberty of checking out other men in public like this or acknowledging how nice-looking they were. Objectively, of course, because I wastaken. My heart was taken. No matter if my mind knew how to handle it, how to be me and be his, I was taken.
They were attractive and confident, which was unbelievably sexy, but Asher wasn’t only confident; he was hungry. He made things happen and did so with grace and kindness, thoughtfulness that so many others in my circle lacked. He was simply amazing.
He was perfect.
He was—walking right toward me.
I stumbled, shocked at this random moment on the downtown streets of Cressmann. One of the men at my side put a hand on my shoulder to steady me. I didn’t knock him off. I didn’t tell him I was fine when he asked. I stared. I stared as Asher’s gaze dipped to that hand, the welcoming smile on his face falling when I didn’t return it.
He walked with a small group of what I assumed were students based on their backpacks and fresh faces.
Twenty feet separated us, then ten.
Tension, fear, anxiety swirled inside me. Like an out-of-body experience, the tide rushed in my blood and deafened my hearing. It controlled me.
This was it, a third test. A chance to not only claim him but to prove to myself I could do this. I could come out to anyone, anywhere. A chance to prove I deserved a man like Asher to look at me, to bring back his smile that was now a memory.
