“They think it’s not fair.”
The blue-eyed stranger shrugged. “You had an in. It’s because of who you are—who you know—that you’re here. They resent that.”
“I don’t blame them,” said Kade, looking down at the floor. “I would too.”
“They’ll come around. You’re not the first one to get a leg up because of family connections. Just give them time.” Mirth sparkled in his eyes. “Well, if you pass, that is.”
“I will. Pass.”
“Oh. Confident.” He held out a hand to Kade. “Porthos.”
Kade took it. “Kade.”
“I know.” Porthos pulled a thick encyclopedia from the shelf above Kade’s head and handed it over. “I’d study this one. Hokda’s a stickler about the basics.A strong foundation will take you to unimaginable heightsor whatever. If you can’t name these medicinal herbs and ingredients, you’ll never make it through the door.” He smirked. “I look forward to working with you, Kade. Good luck.”
Killian returned to his room every night to the same sight, Kade curled in his desk chair, pouring over an amalgamation of encyclopedias and loose notes, trying to cram as much information into his brain as possible. He was at the desk when Killian left for patrols in the morning and still there when Killian returned after dinner.
Worried Kade would burn himself out before he even made it to the test, Killian had argued that Kade needed to get out, stretch his legs, but Kade had waved away all his warnings and insisted he knew what he was doing. He told Killian to trusthim and to let him be.
The week had flown by.
It was nearing midnight when Killian finally slipped through his door.
Kade was fading, if he was awake at all, his head propped against his fist as he lolled, jerking at times to keep from face-planting into the open book.
Hanging his swords by the door, Killian padded over quietly. Sitting on the edge of the desk, he smiled softly at the scene in front of him. The lamp light danced over Kade’s pale skin, he had dark circles under his eyes from the long nights and early mornings and his hair was a bit messed and mussed from raking his hands through it in frustration.
It was a rare occasion Killian could admire Kade without fear of being caught.
It had been almost too easy to adjust to Kade living in Killian’s room, to fall into the domestic way of existing in each other’s space. It wasn’t like before, where Killian had been exiled to the barn while Kade was trapped in that toxic, poisonous house.
It was calm.
It was peace like Killian had never known.
It was easy then—too easy—to get swept up in the fantasy of what could be.
If Kade accepted his feelings, would he see Killian off in the mornings with a sleepy smile and a kiss?
If Kade loved Killian like Killian loved Kade, would this ache in his chest finally disappear?
Would Killian finally be able to look at Kade without feeling guilty and ashamed of himself?
Would Killian finally be able to forgive himself for falling in love with the one elf he was never meant to have?
Killian wasn’t sure when his feelings towards Kade shifted into somethingmore. When he’d stopped looking at Kade as only a little brother. There wasn’t one single moment for it, but suddenly it was just there. All consuming and raw, and by the time he realized, it was too late. There was no going back. Kade had always been his entire world, the only good in his life, but this…
This feeling was different. He wanted to love and be loved. See and be seen. Hold and be held.
But the one Killian wanted to love and see and hold was someone everyone told him was his family, his brother, though they shared not a drop of the same blood. It was a love that was wrong. Doomed before it began.
Killian always wondered if Kade would accept him. Would he see Killian’s darkness and love him anyway or he spit in disgust and turn his back on him?
The latter was more likely. And yet, Killian couldn’t turn these feelings off.
Not that he wanted to. However dangerous they were.
Killian had been turning to Loran for comfort more often since Kade had arrived, the lieutenant always accepting of his advances. He’d needed to keep hold of his sanity, one slip and he could lose everything.
