Trevor really didn’t want to. He’d actually spent several days nownotthinking about it from Lane’s point of view. Because he was afraid that if he did,well, it was going to be a lot harder for him to pretend that Cam was wrong.
And it wasn’t even like hewantedCam to be wrong. The idea that maybe Lane had been secretly crazy about him for years—it was flattering and it was hot and it was also a tiny little bit freaky, because what if Trevor didn’t feel the same? What if he couldn’t meet Lane there? What if he broke his heart, and their family situation didn’t just stay at its barely tolerable status quo? What if it got worse? Because ofTrevor? Delia would be so disappointed. Sad, even. And his dad? Trevor could already imagine the unhappy look in his eyes. The resignation in his voice.
“Dude, you’re panicking,” Cam said, his tone going from hard-ass to more sympathetic.
“It’s just . . . it’s complicated. What if I fuck it up? What if it fucks up our family? I think that’s why Lane never said anything, and now I’ve forced him to say it—”
“First off,” Cam interrupted him gently, “you didn’t force Lane to say anything he didn’t already want to say.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Actually, I really do,” Cam said wryly. “And so would you, if you thought about it. Do you really think someone could make Lane do anything he wasn’t going to do anyway?”
Trevor had to concede that point. But still, it was a little bit terrifying. He nodded, and Cam continued.
“Okay, so let’s look at this from his point of view. He’s loved you—” Trevor shot Cam a look, and Cam amended it with aheavy sigh. “Okay, fine, this is ridiculous but he’slikedyou for a long time. Didn’t think he could do anything about it because you were straight.”
“He should’ve told me, anyway.”
Cam shot him a flat look. “Are you joking?”
“Well, I’m just saying. I wasn’t working with all the info, you know? If I’d known . . .” Trevor shrugged.
“If you’re trying to tell me that if Lane told you that he had a thing for you, you’d have discoveredmuch earlierthat you were into guys, I’m going to confiscate the drink Jordo’s bringing you, because Ideserveto drink it instead.”
“No, I just . . .” Trevor grimaced. He knew how it sounded. How utterly ridiculous it was. But he wasn’t sure it wasn’t true, either.
“Okay, so he didn’t tell you, becauseas we all know, you didn’t know you were into guys like that.”
“Right.”
“Didn’t think he could have you, but that didn’t change his mind, atany point, during what . . . how old were you when you met? Sixteen? Seventeen?”
“Sixteen, yeah. So, um, it’s been six years.”
“Six years.” Cam threw up his hands. “And you don’t think he’s in love with you.”
Trevor winced.
“And if he’s in love with you, he wants to be with you. Wants to be in a relationship with you, so I’m unsure what the issue even is. Tell him you’re crazy about him.”
“But what if I’mnot? And then there’s the thing with our parents,” Trevor reminded him.
Jordan reappeared with their drinks, sliding back into the booth.
“Thank God you’re back, we need a judge’s ruling here,” Cam said to Jordan.
“What?Me?” Jordan looked shocked. “How fucking desperate are you?”
“Pretty fucking desperate,” Cam said.
“Ouch.” Trevor took his drink from Jordan and tried not to sulk about it.
“You have a crush on someone for six years, someone you don’t think is ever going to return your feelings, because they aren’t even interested in guys, until out of the blue they tell you they’re actually thinking they might be queer, and they’d be into fooling around.”
“That’s not what I told him,” Trevor argued, though he supposed the subtext had been there. He’d told Lane about his interest in men because he trusted him, for sure, but also because there’d been a part of him, maybe deeply buried, buthopingthat Lane would do exactly what he’d done and suggest they have sex.
“Maybe not out loud,” Cam said. “But it’s what youactuallytold him.”
