Matron Lara, who runs the infirmary, is gathering supplies from a cabinet nearby. She stops when she sees me. “Oh, Your Majesty, I didn’t expect to see you.”
“I’m here to support my friend. If she’ll have me,” I say.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Charlotte says.
“It was, though. I don’t know what happened or why I lost control like that.” I wince, then look over at the guards gathered near the door. I still don’t love the idea of them knowing all the details.
“Out. Everyone out. Ladies only.” The matron sends the guards away and none of them object.
She draws a curtain in front of the window that is cut into the door, blocking us from view. “That’s better.”
With a comforting smile, she walks over to Charlotte’s side, then sets down a bundle of blankets and wraps. “Now, should I send them away while I look at your injuries?”
“It’s alright,” Charlotte says.
I swallow hard, already dreading what the matron will find. My fault. All my fault.
Charlotte’s back is crossed with angry red welts, some of them already turning purple. They wrap around her, and I know they must continue on her front. She was squeezed by those shadows, leaving her badly bruised.
Matron Lara checks her for more serious injuries, poking at her and testing her movements. “Well, nothing appears to be badly injured. Just bruising. Should heal up in a few days.”
She reaches for the cloths she set on the table. “These are cooling cloths. They’ll ease some of the pain.”
“Thank you,” Charlotte says.
The matron begins binding them around Charlotte and my throat feels tight. I don’t want to think about how much worse this could have been.
When she’s finished with the bandages, she looks over at me. “You said this was your fault?”
I nod, guilt twisting in my gut.
“I’ve seen this on a few occasions. People who manifest strong magic often lose control when it first comes in. It takes time to master it, and until you do, accidents can happen.” Her tone is gentle, but stern. A warning while trying not to overstep her place speaking to someone with power. I hate how she seems to be concerned about telling me the truth.
“What do they usually do?” I ask. “How do they learn?” I ask.
“Sometimes they’re sent away. We’re told they’re training with priests, but we never see them again.” She clears her throat.“But the most common is higher ranking legionnaires train each other. Most of them don’t have corporeal shadows, but the few who do must learn to control them. Never to use them unless the emperor specifically demands it.”
Her jaw tenses and her brow furrows enough that I can tell she seems concerned.
“Thank you for that. Nobody seems willing to actually tell me anything of use. I didn’t want magic in the first place.” It comes out whinier than I intended. “Sorry. I just…I’m tired of not knowing what I’m supposed to do.”
“You want my advice?” she asks.
“Yes, please.”
“Find someone who has the same kind of magic that you do. Ask them to show you how to control it. It’s the best way. The only way I’ve seen it work.” She gives me a sad smile. “Unless they bind it, that is.”
Charlotte folds her arms around herself, making herself small. “Can I rest alone for a while?”
I can’t see her face, but I know what all this is bringing back. It’s not just that I hurt her. She has to deal with the memories of her dead lover. Of the way he died as well.
This is so much worse than it looks. We just got her back and this might send her into herself again.
“Are you sure? I can sit with you,” Antonia offers.
“I’m tired. I’d like to rest, then return to my rooms,” she says.
“Alright,” Antonia replies softly.
