Enough time passes that I worry Brevan sent for someone to help me. My shoulders sag, and I let out a long breath. He’s still avoiding me, and I don’t blame him.
I reach around my back, attempting to unhook the buttons that trail from my shoulder blades down to my tailbone. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent Perla away.
The door opens, then closes quickly, and my heart skips a beat when I see Brevan standing in my room.
It’s the first time we’ve been alone behind closed doors since the emperor’s death. Since he discovered my betrayal.
“Will you talk to me?” I beg. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can say or do. I’m so sorry.”
“You got what you wanted, didn’t you? The emperor is dead, and your boyfriend is plotting regicide against his own father.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. You know that. And he lied to me. I had no idea he was a prince.”
“There seems to be a lot of that going around,” he says.
My heart feels like a weight in my stomach. “I deserve that.”
“Sabina—” He takes a deep breath, then lets it out. “That’s not even your real name.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not.”
He runs a hand through his hair, then drops his arm to his side. He looks as defeated as I feel. “I risked everything for you. I thought you were worth it, but what happened between us could have cost my sister her life.”
It’s like a knife twisting in my chest. “You should go. I won’t put her in danger. I won’t speak to you like this again. I just want you to know I’m sorry. That what I felt, the things I said to you…wasn’t a lie.”
“Don’t say that. None of it was real. I never even met the real you.” He walks to the door then rests his hand on the doorknob. “You’re going to be the empress tomorrow, and it’s my duty to keep you safe. I will always keep you safe, Your Highness.”
When he closes the door behind him, I feel like I’ve shattered into a million pieces. He didn’t deserve what I did to him.
If I’m being honest with myself, I never deserved him at all.
I can’t even eat the morning of the wedding. I watched the sun rise from start to finish. It shouldn’t have been beautiful. Not today. When the maids arrived, I left my body, going through the motions, but not feeling a thing.
And now, I’m standing in front of the door, preparing to walk to my wedding.
“You look beautiful, sister,” Ludis says.
I glare at him. “You’re disgusting.”
“I can’t say you look beautiful?”
“No, you can’t. In fact, I’d prefer you not speak to me ever again. There’s a nice tower in the east wing you can jump from. If you’re too scared to do it, I’ll give you a push.”
“You really want to throw away everything we had?” He sets his hand on his chest as if my words pained him.
“The whole time you knew I looked like your sister. The whole time. Was that the plan while you got to know me? Or was it a convenient afterthought?”
He opens his mouth to speak, and I hold my hand up to stop him. “Never mind. I’m already sick to my stomach. I don’t think I want to know.”
He gives me a charming smile then inclines his head. “As you wish.”
“I hate you.”
“I don’t need you to like me. I need your acting skills to get into my father’s palace.” He bends his arm then offers me his elbow. “Shall we? You don’t want to be late to your own wedding.”
Brevan isn’t in the hallway when we leave my room, and I’m so grateful. For the first time since falling for him, I hope they sent him very far away. I don’t want him to see me like this. Surrendering and marrying another man.
My insides churn, and I fight for every step I take toward the ballroom.Anya. This is for Anya. I remind myself.
