Couldn’t stop.
Because if I stopped, I’d have to think. And if I thought, I’d have to admit what I was really doing. Who I was really thinking about while I fucked someone else.
It didn’t take long. I came with a violence that felt more like anger than pleasure, my body shuddering, my mind blank and mercifully empty for exactly three seconds before reality came crashing back.
I pulled out and rolled off her, my breathing harsh in the quiet room.
Alexis didn’t move. Just lay there staring at the ceiling, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
The silence stretched.
Finally, she spoke. “What the fuck was that?”
I didn’t answer. Just closed my eyes and tried to find something resembling composure.
“Amai.” Her voice was sharper now. “Look at me.”
I opened my eyes and turned my head. She was propped up on one elbow, her expression somewhere between hurt and fury.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.” She sat up fully now, pulling her dress down, her movements jerky with anger. “That wasn’t sex. That was—I don’t even know what that was. But it sure as hell wasn’t about me.”
“Alexis—”
“Don’t.” She held up a hand. “Don’t try to smooth this over with some bullshit excuse. I’m not stupid. Something’s been off with you for weeks. Ever since—” She stopped. Stared at me. “Ever since that lunch. When I ran into you and your ‘colleague.’”
My jaw tightened. “This has nothing to do with her.”
“Really? Because from where I’m sitting, it has everything to do with her.” Alexis climbed out of bed, her movements sharp and deliberate. “You’ve been distant. Distracted. And tonight you fucked me like you were trying to prove something to yourself. So, yeah, Amai. I think it has everything to do with her.”
I sat up, running a hand over my face. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then explain it to me.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Explain why you’ve been pulling away. Why you look at your phone every five minutes like you’re waiting for someone to text you back. Why you just—” Her voice cracked slightly. “Why you just used me like I was nothing.”
The words hit harder than they should have.
Because she was right.
I had used her. Used her body to try to forget someone else. Used her presence to fill a space that wasn’t hers to fill.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally. The words felt inadequate. Hollow.
“I don’t want your apology.” Alexis grabbed her purse from the nightstand, her movements quick and angry. “I want you to get your shit together.”
“Alexis—”
“No.” She turned to face me, and I saw tears in her eyes. Not falling. Just there. Threatening. “I care about you, Amai. I really do. But I’m not going to be your emotional punching bag while you figure out whatever the hell is going on with you and that woman.”
“There’s nothing going on.”
“Stop lying.” Her voice was quiet now. Tired. “To me and to yourself. There’s something there. I saw it at the restaurant. I’ve felt it every time we’ve been together since. And I’m not interested in competing with a ghost.”
She walked toward the door, her heels in one hand, her dignity somehow still intact despite everything.
At the doorway, she paused. Looked back at me.
