His arms squeeze me impossibly tighter, and I feel his chest rise as he takes a deep inhale.
“I loved you with all of my heart back then. And I still do today. I don’t want to look back and regret not saying it this time. So I’m begging you, Iz. Don’t go. Don’t leave me again. We can have a good life together. I don’t know what it’ll look like, and I know you’ve got dreams and goals, but all I’m asking is for a chance to help you reach them with me at your side.”
My mouth falls open as I angle my head to stare up at him. Of all the things I hoped he’d say, this is better.
So much better.
And yet, so much worse.
An alarm starts going off on his phone, the obnoxious foghorn sound that I know from years ago is his last alarm, the one that says he’s out of time, if not already late for something. I used to tease him about needing three alarms to get out the door sometimes, but it worked for him.
“Shit.” He drops his forehead to meet mine before shifting up to kiss the same spot. “I have to go, Iz. Please think about it. Okay? Don’t make any decisions, and for the love of God, don’tleave before I’m back.” His tone is desperate, pleading, even. “I’ll be home in four days. Tell me you’ll still be here.”
I nod, still stunned speechless by what he’s just said.
“Good.” He kisses me again, this time on the lips, his hands cradling my face as if I’m the most precious thing in his entire world. “Promise me you’ll think about what I said? About giving us a chance?”
I nod again. Oh God, why can’t I make myself say something? Why am I not telling him I love him, too, and I want nothing more than to make it work between us?
He steps away, bending down to pick up his bag. The smile he gives me is one I haven’t seen in eight years. It’s full of hope and love.
“There’s a spare key in the drawer beside the fridge. Stay as long as you want. And maybe” — he pauses, licking his lips — “maybe you could be here when I get back?”
“Yes,” I manage to whisper, a shaky smile on my face. He gives me one more kiss, then turns to open the door. And I finally come unfrozen. I can’t let him leave without saying or doing something.
I rush to him and throw my arms around him from behind. He moves swiftly, spinning around and lifting me off the ground, his lips finding mine in a desperate, messy, passionate kiss.
“Kai —”
“Don’t say it, Iz. Don’t say anything right now,” he begs. “Please. Let me go, believing I’m gonna come home to you. That we’ve got time to talk after this trip. Please.”
He sets me down and steps out the door with one last parting statement. “You’ve got four days, Iz. Four days to decide whether what we had, what we could have again, is worth staying this time.”
He disappears into the elevator without another look back. But it takes me several seconds before I step back into his apartment and close the door before sinking to the floor.
He still loves me.
Chapter thirty-three
Kai
We’re down in Idaho, on the second night of our thankfully short away series. I’m on deck to pitch tonight, and I’m already dreading it.
I wasn’t planning on laying my heart on the line to Isabelle like that. Certainly not minutes before having to leave for four days. But when she dropped the bomb that her boss wanted her back in Italy early, the words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them.
She can’t go back without knowing how I feel. I was an idiot eight years ago, a foolish, immature idiot, and let my own hurt feelings stand in the way of fighting for what I wanted. She needed to be in Italy, and I get that. But I wish I had fought for a chance to try and make it work between us. I wish I hadn’t lost her, pushed her away, and missed all this time with her.
I’ll be damned if I’m stupid enough to do that a second time. If she needs to go back there, fine. But she’ll do it knowing I love her, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
The downside to putting it all out there and then leaving is that I didn’t even have time to let her respond. Okay, that’s not the whole truth. I was scared of what her reaction might be, and how it might affect me on this series, so I got outta there as quickly as I could after saying my piece.
Only I haven’t heard from her since. Not even a text. I know I told her not to say anything until I got back, but I meant about how she feels. A check-in or something would be nice, but I guess I asked for this.
Still, I’m a mess. Even with thePower Rangerson in the background while I wear a track in the carpet of my hotel room pacing can’t get me centered on what I’ve got to do on the mound tonight.
A knock on the door has me pivoting on my heel halfway to the other wall. I open it to see Darling and Monty standing there, both looking worried.
“What’s up?” I say brusquely before turning and walking into my room. They follow me in and settle, Darling leaning against the dresser and Monty sitting on the end of the unused second bed.
