I can tell he doesn’t want to say that, so I don’t feel any anger or hurt toward him essentially kicking me out. To try and soothe his discomfort, I sit up, letting the sheet fall away so my breasts are bare. Heat flares in his eyes and I can see the indecision warring there. I smirk, then when he sees my teasing grin, he chuckles.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re a dad first and a boyfriend second. This isn’t the best way to tell Toby that we’re together.”
Sam leans in and kisses me. “Boyfriend. I like that. Text me when you get back to the hotel, okay?”
I nod, then climb out of his bed and get dressed. It’s a good thing I drove to pick up the pizza tonight, so I’ve got my car here, since it’s now a lot later than I thought. I don’t get back to the inn until nearly two a.m. Thankfully, the front desk is unmanned so I can sneak upstairs without anyone seeing me. Once I’m in my room, I send a quick text to Sam, but he must be dealing with Toby or asleep, because he doesn’t reply.
That’s okay by me since I’m still exhausted. After brushing my teeth and putting on pajamas, I crawl beneath my sheets and I’m asleep in minutes, the wordboyfriendbouncing around my head.
* * *
The next morning, I’m drinking a cup of coffee in my room, scrolling through the news headlines when a reminder pops up on my calendar. I’ve got a session with Doctor Dave starting in fifteen minutes. I’m caught off guard, but in a good way, because I forgot about therapy. This week is the first one in a long time that I haven’t felt the need to talk to him; haven’t felt the pull of fear, or anger, or grief over what happened and the uncertainty of my future. I feel good and it’s because of a man and his son.
Still, it can’t hurt to check in, so I get dressed and pull my hair into a messy bun before opening my computer and loading the video conferencing program. Shortly, my screen fills with the face of the man who pulled me out of a dark place.
“Hey, Doc,” I say with a smile, and his weathered face crinkles into a grin in return.
“You look well, Kayla,” he observes.
I nod, and take a sip of my coffee as I try to think of how much to tell him.
“I am well. At least I think I am. You were right, coming back here was a good choice. Seeing my sisters has been wonderful and the slow, peaceful pace feels nice.”
Doctor Dave looks at me expectantly; he knows me well enough to recognize when I’m holding back. I take a deep breath and plunge in.
“And I met someone on the ferry. Two someone’s, actually,” I giggle at the shocked look on his face. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Doc, I mean a guy and his son. Sam and Toby. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and it’s been good to be busy.” I shrug, not sure how to explain the intense feelings that are growing between Sam and I. Part of me wants to keep it a secret, but I also know that Doctor Dave could help me process things a lot quicker than if I try to do it on my own.
“Busy is good, so long as you’re not ignoring the work you have to do. Remember, part of the plan for your visit to the island was to think about your future and how to establish balance in your life, balance that allows for your career aspirations as well as your personal ones. After we finished our initial work of helping you to process the cave-in, you told me you wanted to find a way to continue to do the photography that you love, and make time for family. Have you reached any decisions on that?”
I think about his question for a few minutes. The immediate answer is no, I haven’t done the tasks he suggested in terms of journaling and thinking about what I want in the future. I don’t have pro and con lists, or journal entries, but I do have a gut feeling that is growing stronger and stronger. And that feeling is telling me to stay on the island and be with Sam. The problem is, I can’t base my decision on a man I just met, can I?
“I’m going to make Westmount Island my home,” I state and saying it aloud feels right. “I’m going to scale back on how many jobs I take on a year and try to focus more on North America for a while.” That also feels like the right decision and I realize that I’ve had the answers in my heart all along, I just needed the push to voice them.
“And what about this man, Sam? How does he fit into your plans?”
Good ol’ Doc, always hard hitting with the questions.
“I…want him to fit in, but I need to make my decision be about me and not him. Right?”
“Are you asking, or are you telling?”
That’s one of Doc’s favorite tricks. Not letting me try to get him to tell me what to do.
“I have to decide for me.”
“How do you feel about Sam and his son?”
I pause. A small voice inside of me is whispering a four-letter word that I’ve never said about a man before. A louder voice is saying that’s crazy and there’s no way it’s possible to love someone after just meeting them a few days ago, but then, look at Ella. She fell in love with Marcus almost immediately, even if they didn’t say the words to each other right away.
“I care about them.” Even I can hear the hesitation in my voice and Doc just raises and eyebrow at me. “Okay, I more than care about them. When we’re together, even if we’re just taking his son to the park or having lunch, it’s as if everything in my life makes sense. I can’t imagine life without them and it’s hard to remember what it was like before them. At the same time, I feel crazy having these feelings for someone I’ve only known a week.”
Doctor Dave is nodding slowly and even through a computer screen I can see the acceptance and compassion on his face.
“Kayla, do you trust yourself?”
I shrug. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Yes or no? Do you trust yourself? Has your gut or your heart ever led you astray?”
