I consider that for a moment. I think back to the day of the rockslide. My gut had told me something was off that morning; that’s part of what I had to work through with Doc. I was so angry that I hadn’t listened to myself and suggested a change in the shooting location.
“I do trust myself.”
“Then why do you think your feelings for Sam are crazy?”
I lean back in my chair, baffled by the simplicity of that observation. Suddenly I can see, with absolute clarity, what my vision is for my life.
“I love him, Doc. I love both of them and I want them to be my home.”
He nods and there’s a satisfied look on his face that I’ve come to recognize as hisnow she gets itface.
“Then make that happen.”
11
Sam
As much as I hated making Kayla leave in the middle of the night, it’s a good thing I did. Just as I predicted, Toby was in my bed about half an hour after she left. I love my kid, and he comes first, but I also loved having Kayla fall asleep beside me. With Toby snuggled up to me instead of her, I lay awake for another hour imagining what it would be like if she were still here. Would Toby cuddle up to her instead when he has a bad dream? Would she soothe him from his bad dreams?
Now it’s morning and Toby is bouncing around, full of energy, clearly not affected by his nightmares. I, on the other hand, am dragging ass, drinking my third cup of coffee and trying to clear the cobwebs from my first sleepless night in a while. I reached a conclusion last night; I need to talk to Kayla, tell her how I feel, and ask her to consider making her life here on Westmount with us. Obviously, I know it’s not going to be that simple, but I know in my heart I have to make it happen.
The other problem with this plan is that my parents arrive tomorrow and I’m not sure where things stand with Kayla in terms of our relationship. We talked about her meeting my parents, but things are different now. I want her in my life, preferably forever, and that means I’m not introducing her as a friend but as my lover, my girlfriend, my partner. I hope. The small nugget of doubt that rests in my heart is eating away at me, making me wonder if I’m insane, if I’m making a huge mistake assuming she is falling for me the way I’m falling for her. The fact remains that ever since Toby was born, I’ve had to adopt an attitude ofsuck it up and do itwhen it comes to the things I’m nervous about, whether it’s cleaning up vomit after Toby had the stomach flu, dropping him off at daycare for the first time, or telling the woman of my dreams that I’m falling in love with her. I need to just do it, no matter how anxious I am.
Before I lose the nerve I’ve built up, I send her a text with a photo of Toby sprawled over top of me last night.
SAM: Hey beautiful, hope you slept better than I did…
KAYLA: Awwww. Poor guy.
KAYLA: Guess it’s a good thing I left
SAM: I wouldn’t say that. I’d rather sleep with you on top of me than him.
KAYLA: Sam…
I take a deep breath, tuning out the cartoons that Toby’s turned on in the background. I can’t do this over text, I need to see her face, so I quickly hit the video call button. Her face fills my screen and instantly I am reassured. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. This is right.
“Miss me that much, huh?” Her voice is teasing, but I can see the happiness on her face.
I don’t even try to deny it. “Sure did. Falling asleep with you in my arms, even if we didn’t mean to, was incredible.”
Her face softens into a warm smile. “It was pretty great.”
“We should do it again soon.”
Kayla opens her mouth to say something, but my call waiting pops up and it’s my editor.
“Crap, I’m sorry Kayla, I have to take this call, it’s my editor, probably calling to yell at me for falling behind deadline again.” I wince, knowing Shelley will have every right to yell. I’ve been so distracted with our move and then with Kayla that I’m behind by a few chapters. “But I want to see you today so we can talk. Could you come over later? I’ll let Toby watch a movie and we can sit on the patio or something.” Damn, having a kid and no babysitter is making this tricky. Thankfully, I seem to have fallen for an incredibly understanding woman because Kayla nods and I smile gratefully as I switch to the call with Shelley.
**
Once I’ve placated Shelley with promises of a few chapters by the end of the week, I get Toby dressed and we head down to Wharf Street for some groceries. I’m distracted by thoughts of Kayla and my son must realize this because before we even hit the store, he’s stopped and is looking at me with his arms crossed over his stomach.
“Daddy. You didn’t listen to my stowy, did you,” he says accusingly.
“Shoot. Sorry bud, I missed it.” I stop and go to a nearby bench to sit down. “Can you tell me again?”
“Why didn’t you listen?”
